Save the last dance for me....

There’s no denying it, I love dancing. Pop, salsa, tap, street, ballroom…you name it, I love it. The only problem is I’m much better at watching these performances than actually taking part. However, after deciding to put my gym membership on hold for the foreseeable future after losing all enthusiasm for it, I have decided I need to look at different ways of exercising by doing something I enjoy.

I admit it, I’m no Britney Spears and I would probably be a challenge for Ashley Banjo on his secret dance crew, but I do have some rhythm and a bit of hip shaking every now and then always gets my adrenalin pumping, and more importantly, makes me smile and feel good. I have therefore decided to enrol in a course of burlesque dance classes, hopefully with a couple of friends who have also said they’re interested. I have never done it before so I don’t know what to expect, but there’s something about the way you move, the costumes, the music and the ability to flirt at the same time that appeals to me, and that’s got to be a lot more fun than pounding a treadmill for 30 minutes in a gym full of lycra clad fitness freaks. Give me a chair, a shimmy or two and a sultry stare and I’m all yours!

I am really looking forward to starting my new exercise regime and you never know, I may just end up on the next Christina Aguilera or Pussycat Dolls music video!

Watch this space….

The girl on the hill

The spot at the top of the hill was her favourite. She loved to sit there on the pink blanket her mother knitted for her, over looking the landscape and taking in the beauty that was bestowed on her. The crisp blue sky looked so welcoming beaming down amongst the warmth of the mid day sun. Children swam and jumped off the rope attached to a tree over the lake, screaming in delight as they fell into the cold water with a big splash. Couples sat close together eating from picnic baskets; mothers fed their babies and dogs ran after sticks that were being thrown to them. The smell of food being cooked on a barbeque lingered and the distant sound of an ice cream van was gradually getting louder. Walkers passed by hand in hand smiling at the excitable children enjoying themselves, while others sat alone on benches or lying on the grass, reading books and listening to music.  

The sound of a train whistling nearby could soon be heard and all the children hurried together, running towards the tracks so they could stop and wave at the driver and passengers shouting “hello” as it passed by, occasionally getting waves back from those sitting in the carriages. She smiled as she remembers watching other children doing that when she was their age.

At the top of the hill stood a beautiful oak tree with a rustic old bench tucked away underneath it and she would always sit there to do her drawings. Nobody really sat there because they were always by the river playing with other children. She never joined in though, instead she took shelter under the tree and drew the pictures she secretly wished she was a part of.

Sitting back there now, at that very spot, all the memories she had came flooding back. She put her arm around him tightly and with a warm heart said “This is where we kissed for the first time”.  She could feel every muscle in her body relax as she reminded him of that day.  Of course, he remembered it as much as she did, but listened as the story was retold.  

“You asked me why I was sitting on my own under a tree and not playing with you all. The truth is, I was too shy. Everyday I would sit here and watch as you all played in the river. All that laughter echoing below me. I wanted to be a part of it so much, but I was too scared to join in. I was even a little bit jealous. I didn’t know what to say to you when you appeared, and to be honest, you scared me because I didn’t even realise you were walking towards me. I just stared at you in shock! You sat down next to me though and looked at what I was drawing. My heart was beating so fast I was convinced you could hear it. I couldn’t believe you were next to me because I had seen you so many times. So popular with everyone, but now you were here taking an interest on me, staring deep into my eyes. I could feel my cheeks burning as I saw you looking at me and I remember trying to say something, but before I had the chance, your lips were touching mine. I have to admit, I was a bit shocked at first, but I didn’t have a chance to fight it because it felt so good. Your soft lips on mine and you hand touching my cheek. I could feel the blood rushing though my body, my heat beating so fast. It was incredible and I didn’t want it to end. That kiss changed my life.”

He understood everything she say saying because he remembered that moment so vividly too. He often noticed the girl sitting under that tree, wondering why she was alone. Her long beautiful blonde hair tousled down over her shoulders captivated her beauty. She intrigued him, but all the other children would mock him for staring at her, and tease her, saying she was strange sitting alone all day long. It didn’t stop him wanting to know the girl at the top of the hill though. One day out of nowhere, he found the courage to find out more about her and began walking up to her. He had no idea what he was going to do or say to her when he got there, but he knew he had to meet her and find out who she was. He didn’t eve remember what he said when he reached her, but he did remember her beauty. In fact, she was even more beautiful up close than she was in the distance. Every hair on his body stood up as he saw how amazing this girl was. That day changed his life too, because when he kissed her, he knew they would be together forever. He fell in love that day.

“You changed everything for me. Up until that moment I felt lost and alone. I had nobody to talk to. Everyone thought I was odd. Even my own parents were concerned that I didn’t seem to have any friends. You saw past that though. My silly insecurities, my lack of confidence….it wasn’t an issue for you. For the first time in my life, there was someone wanting to get to know me for me and I wasn’t afraid to show you who I was. You brought me to life.”

Their love blossomed over the years and the passion and love they had for one another got stronger every day. Every morning when she woke up in his arms, or when ever she heard his voice, her body would tingle and her stomach tightened into a big knot of excitable nerves that would make her want to scream with happiness because she was so lucky to have him in her life.

Their wedding day was beautiful. Only a small gathering of friends around them to celebrate, but that’s all they wanted. That, and photo’s of them both underneath the oak tree on top of the hill. Their two children grew into beautiful and intelligent young adults and found their own loves, got married and had children. Life wasn’t always easy and they had their share of problems, but their love never faded and they stuck by one another through the good and bad.

As she continued with the story one more time at the top of the hill, new lives were unfolding below them. The river was still safe enough for children to play in, although parents seemed a little more anxious about them doing so. The bench under the tree was now full of graffiti and this once quiet haven known to only a handful of children had now been discovered by many and was being enjoyed as a popular spot to visit during the summer. Their lives had reached full circle, meeting here at the tender age of 15 and now back to where it all began at the ripe old age of 85. She knew it had to be here though. No other place on earth carried such significance to them both. It was their place. She stood up from the bench and watched the scene one more time. Slowly unscrewing the urn, she poured out his ashes, and a gentle breeze crept up, taking him back down the hill towards the river. She watched as he was scattered over the grass to the point where he stood on that brave day watching her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as the man she loved so dearly disappeared from her view. He was gone now, but she could never forget him. He completed her, made her into the strong, incredible and caring mother, wife and person she is today. He risked his own fears by approaching her that day and it paid off, and for that, she was always grateful.

“Thank you for loving me and making all of my dreams come true. I love you”.

Lost

Another possible extract from another possible book…

She was home, and for the first time in a long time she felt safe. Putting her key in the front door, the lock turned but it wouldn’t open. She laughed because she could never get the hang of that door because her Dad refused to pay to get a locksmith to fix it. In fact he refused to pay out for anything if he thought he could do it himself. She forced the key back out, picked up her bag and walked around the back of the house calling out to her family, but there was no reply. She opened the gate and saw the sun lounger in the garden with a magazine and iPod underneath it and a can of lager and glass of coke on the patio table. She smiled because she knew there would be Vodka hidden in that coke!

The back door was open so she walked in calling out again, but still no reply. She thought it was a bit odd that nobody was around, but that quickly passed when she saw her sister, Emma, sitting in the lounge staring blankly at the television.

 “Bloody hell, inside watching TV while the sun’s out? What’s wrong with you?” But Emma didn’t even flinch. “For God’s Sake sis, are you still pissed off with me?” Again, no reply. “Look, I’m sorry alright?”

Nothing.

She walked out of the lounge, her heart breaking a little. She obviously hurt her more than she realised. Her mind was already planning things to do to show her how sorry she was. It was only a stupid row over some hair straighteners…

“DAD!” she shouted, walking upstairs. “Where are you?”

She called back to her sister to ask where he was, but was ignored again. “I can’t bloody do anything, can I?” she mumbled.

Once in her bedroom she flung her bag onto the floor before collapsing on her bed. She reached over to put the TV on but something made her stop. She could hear a faint noise, like the sound of someone crying coming from her parent’s room. She crept in, and sitting on the floor with his back against the bed was her dad.

“There you are!” she said with relief in her voice. “I called you but you didn’t reply. I thought you were….” She stopped in her tracks as she walked over to see her Dad with photos sprawled out in front of him, clutching one in his hand.

“I miss you so much” he said.

“Ah Dad, I’m home now, it’s ok” putting her arm around him. “I know it’s been rough lately, but it will get better, I promise”.

“It’s all my fault.”

“No it’s not dad, stop saying that. Life can deal you a bad hand at times, but it’s how you cope with it that makes you. Come on, you told me that!”

“Dad” said a concerned voice from behind them. They both turned around and saw Emma standing there. “You have to stop this. It isn’t your fault”.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell him but he’s not listening to me”.

“Dad, it was an accident…..”

Sophie looked at her Dad and then again at her sister. She was confused. “What do you mean it was an accident?”

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. “Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?”

Emma walked over to them and carefully placed the photos back in their box. “They’ve gone Dad. Nothing we can do will bring them back”.

“Ok, you two are freaking me out now. Who’s gone? Who’s not coming ba…?”At that moment, the realisation of what was happening sunk in.

*****

Sophie woke up late forgetting it was Emma’s turn to have the car. They argued over it because she could still make it on time if she had the motor, but her sister refused, throwing a tantrum in for good measure. It spiralled into another boisterous shouting match which resulted in her throwing Emma’s hair straighteners at her, missing her face by a fraction. That was enough for their mum. She walked upstairs screaming at them to stop fighting. She couldn’t take another argument and after a lot of back biting, she eventually agreed to take Sophie to work in the car their Dad had been fixing.

She sat in silence on that journey as her mum moaned, telling her to grow up and start taking responsibility for herself instead of staying out late every night drinking with her mates. She tried to argue back but she could see how upset her mum was.

Looking at her daughter, she sighed, “All I ask is for you to show a little bit more consideration towards us, Sophie…”

 “MUM, WATCH OUT!”

In the second it took for her mums eyes to appear back on the road, there were children screaming as their parents pulled them back onto the kerb from the crossing. The black car that came hurtling towards them spun, screeching ferociously as it tried to swerve out of the way, causing them to jolt off the road spinning 360 degrees mid air. The doors flung open on impact before crashing back down on the pavement landing upside down. The window screen shattered displaying tiny speckles of glass everywhere. Steam was escaping out of the crushed bonnet and the smell of burnt rubber embedded into the road and invading the throats of everyone around them. Their bodies lay motionless as people watched in horror. Blood everywhere. Sophie tried to say something but no words came out. She could hear sirens in the distance getting louder and louder. She attempted to move her head but there was too much pain so she glanced over to her mother who was still strapped in by her seat belt, slumped helplessly like a puppet waiting to come to life. She was covered in blood. People fussed around them both. “Can you hear me?” “What’s your name?” “Don’t worry; the ambulance is on its way”. Sophie froze in fear. Her mother was dead. She screamed, and tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s ok; you’re going to be ok”.

Those were the last words she remembered. When she woke up, she couldn’t recall what happened. She felt scared and alone and all she wanted was to be at home, and it was a big relief when she walked inside that back door because nothing was making sense, but it didn’t matter because she was home and she would be ok.

***

She looked again at her sister and then at her Dad, panic spreading like a rash all over her face. She picked up the photo her Dad had been clutching onto. It was of Sophie and her mum cuddling each other. So happy, so beautiful.

“No……No” She said, her voice trembling. “Dad? Em? Talk to me. Please?” She was crying hysterically, shaking her Dad, begging him to look at her, but it was as though she wasn’t even there. “NO!” she screamed again. Tears were streaming down her face. “Please, NO! Daddy, Em. It’s me, Sophie. I’m right here. I’m right in front of you!”

But they just sat next to each other huddled together, crying. Holding onto each other so tightly, never wanting to let go.

Sophie backed away, looking at her Father and sister in disbelief. She looked around for her mother, but she couldn’t see her. Where was she? Why wasn’t she there too? A cold chill ran through her body because she realised what had happened. Her mother had died and was taken, but she was left. All the arguments she had with her family. All the partying, the drugs, quitting school. Even wishing she was dead when things weren’t going her way had all come back in a cruel twist of fate. Only this time, there was nobody around to help and make her see just how good her life really was. If only she realised when she was alive, maybe she wouldn’t be stuck in this parallel universe now.

She looked back down at them once more and couldn’t move. She really was alone now.

“Help me” she whispered.

Eggstravaganza!

With Easter only days away, dieters everywhere will be uniting in an effort to fight the temptation of chocolate that is haunting every point, syn and calorie we are desperately sticking to on our journey to lose weight.

Walking into a supermarket earlier for the third consecutive day to buy another egg is quickly pushing me into chocolate hell looking at the beautiful array of colourful packaging displayed under torturous offers of “buy 2 for £3” or “buy one, get one free”.  Crème eggs, mini eggs, giant eggs…eggs, eggs, eggs, they’re everywhere!

Now I’m all for indulging in chocolate and to be honest, perhaps a little too much, but there is something about it that I just love! Maybe it’s the endorphins that are released every time we taste it, and although those same hormones are triggered when we are exercising, it seems far more appealing to get that sense of satisfaction from a bar of sugary fat that an hour of cardio vascular torment! I even read an article online recently that said indulging regularly in sweet treats helps to reduce high blood pressure, lowers cholesterol and even prevents tooth decay. Seriously! Maybe I need to remind myself why I am dieting because it seems to me the food that is making me fat, is in fact, benefiting my overall health and wellbeing.   



Temptation is literally staring me in the face!



I know I shouldn’t get fazed by it because it’s Easter, and if you can’t eat chocolate eggs at this time of the year, when can you? But something is still nagging in the back of my mind because all I can think of is how many points I will be using and what affect it will have on the scales at the end of the week. I really should just learn to chill out. It’s like a friend said to me today, “just indulge, but make sure you go the gym the next day and burn it all off”. This is indeed practical advice, but to be honest, I really can’t be bothered to do that either. I mean, who goes to the gym at Easter? That’s like going to the gym at Christmas!  There is of course, the other option of just having a little bit. Maybe just half an egg and saving the rest for another day…oh who am I kidding, that will never happen.

Despite my good efforts of losing weight over the last 6 weeks, it is with total honesty that I say this: My name is Tanya, and I am a chocoholic. I will be eating Easter Eggs this weekend, and I will be enjoying every last bite!

Happy Easter my little bunnies!

These are a few of my favourite things....

1. Curling up on the sofa with a cuppa and some chocolate watching a movie.
2. Sleeping in
3. Singing
4. Glee
5. Accessories
6. Nail varnish
7. Playing "Draw Free" on my phone
8. Café latte's
9. Candles
10. Cuddles

What are your favourite things?