I'm wide awake

12.30am and I'm wide awake. This is a regular occurrence for me, not through choice, but more to do with everything that's swimming around in my mind so I thought I'd try the one thing that actually seems to work for me: writing.

The problem is, where do I start? There are times when I want to pour my heart out and tell you everything that's playing on my mind, but when I comes to the crunch, I just can't do it. Why? I don't know, but I'm hoping somewhere within these baffled words sense will reappear and I'll be able to make way along the clear path again.

My problem is I overthink to a point where I'm imagining things that aren't there. Big mistake, I know but how do you stop yourself? I often imagine what it would feel like standing ontop of a cliff or mountain, holding my arms out and just screaming into the distance, letting all the anxiety and all these silly niggles go. I envisage it to be quite a cathartic experience where by the end I feel renewed and ready to take on the world once more. It's a good thought; relaxing; carefree. 

I guess all I need is that big bear hug and for someone to look me in the eye and reassure me that everything's going to be ok. I feel like I've been on a never ending roller coaster, only now when I think I'm about to get off,  it just keeps going. I'm feeling dizzy and it's not a great feeling. I need to go back to the beach with my music and vodka. Hopefully I'm almost there but for now, a little sign would be nice! 

"The cold never bothered me anyway"

I finally got round to watching Frozen this evening and I have to admit, I absolutely loved it! I totally get what all the hype is about. Yet again, Disney have put together another lovely story. I have to admit, I already knew the words to most of the songs, after all you can't escape it, and it was so sweet to see how the story fits in around the lyrics.

I'll be honest, I was tinged with a little envy at how gorgeous Elsa's blue dress is and how amazing her hair looks when Anna get's to the Ice Castle! I know, I know, it's an animation but still, even at the age of 34, a part of me would still love to be a princess and Disney always do an amazing job at portraying them so well. Why do they always do that?

I think it's safe to say I'll be singing Let It Go for the rest of the week, if not year so if you're in the vicinity and you see a random woman walking around dressed as a Princess (yes, I'm off to the fancy dress shop first thing tomorrow!) singing to her hearts content, feel free to laugh a little bit, but also you know it's only going to make you want to do the same!

Roll on the snow, so I can build myself my very own Olaf, then I really will be in my element! 

"Show me how big your brave is"

It's amazing how one line in a song can have such an impact on you: "Show me how big your brave is". 

After listening to this tonight, I feel compelled to share this video with you. I know it's been around for a while, but I absolutely love it. It's so uplifting and reminds me that whatever happens in life, go out there and be brave! I've added the lyrics underneath the video too.




"Brave" by Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I got a little lost

Where have I been, you might be thinking. Well let me tell you, I am starting to wonder the same thing. Everyone keeps asking me where my blog posts are; when the next short story will be published and most importantly, why I haven't been posting on here.

It seems I have been a little lost of late, neglecting my pride and joy that is my blog and it makes me sad to come on here today and see how long it has been since I posted.

The last 48 hours have been tough for me - I lost my job - again! The second in five months and it's been tough trying to get my head around feeling like I have failed. I'm not a pessimistic person so I know I will see the positive in this but it's still raw. It hurts.

It seems that focusing so hard on doing my best over the last 5 months has made me neglect my comfort - this blog - and all it's done is put me back to square 1 - jobless!

I'm not going to drone on about it though. No. Infact, what I'm going to do is pour myself a large vodka and diet coke and get planning my next move. I have missed it here. I've missed my lovely followers, the lovely comments and the support that has kept me focused to carry on with this blog.

I'm back everyone so be prepared for some great new writing from me - you never know, you might even be a little surprised!