Short Story: Broken Hearted Girl

"I’m not really sure where to start except all I know is I am in love with you. Obscenely in love with you. I think about you all day, every day, it hurts. I wake up and for that split second between dream and reality I feel like everything is ok. That you are here with me, lying wrapped up beside me keeping me warm and safe. 

But you’re not.

Instead I lie in bed at night alone, pining for you, hoping you'll burst through the door in some angst ridden panic telling what a stupid mistake you have made and how sorry you are; begging me to take you back. (Another over active image running through my mind, no doubt). 

All those promises you made to me, the walls you gently knocked down...I trusted you. You made me think things were good, that maybe I had finally met a man who was destined for me; the one I have been waiting so long for. I thought I had found my missing half, but slowly you started to disappear. it was that subtle I barely noticed until I was too far gone to believe what you were doing to me. But now I know, and now it’s too late.

What's frustrating is I am still so ridiculously in love with you my heart and mind can’t figure out what’s happened. I’m torn in two and I can feel myself falling apart and I haven’t even got a clue where, or how, to begin repairing. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, you’re always there. No matter how many friends I surround myself with; how much time I spend with my family and do meaningless things just to keep my mind occupied, I can’t forget you. 

Do you even realise what you are doing to me? I thought we were solid. I thought we wanted the same things, at least that's what you told me. Was everything you said a lie? Did you ever really want any of that with me? I want to hate you so much but I can't. You have thrown me to the wolves and there's nothing I can do to save myself. Are you happy? Are you? 

None of this matters though does it? It's not going to change anything because despite what I am saying to you right now you're not going to burst through my door like a scene out of a movie; you're not going to beg me to take you back because what it all comes down to is I fell in love with a man who didn’t fall in love with me.

And THAT! That, right there, hurts more than I think you will ever imagine. 

But I have to believe. Believe this will get better. Believe however much I try and keep my mind occupied, time will eventually heal the pain and gradually the world will feel like a better place again. I have to believe it will get better because this hurt I am carrying around with me is so fiercely embedded into the pit of my stomach the thought of it never going away is excruciating, and I don't know how long I can live with this feeling. 

I will heal, I have to. For now, though, my tears will continue until I can cry no more.

My beauties

Hi lovelies, well it's certainly been a while since I last wrote to you all. How have you been? Life has, once again, been very busy for me hence my haitus. I am, however, back and it feels good to be writing again. 

So what's been happening in the last three months? Well, I've moved back into a house share in a much better location in town. I feel so much happier so it was a decision well made. My housemate hosted a charity fundraiser BBQ last night for Macmillan so we had a houseful of lovely people having a good time and donating to a good cause. It was my first BBQ of this kind and absolutely loved it. I'm now looking into doing another fundraiser myself as it's been so long since I last did anything significant for charity so watch this space! 

My job has been keeping me so busy, but it a good way! I'm now have a great role as a marketing assistant for two events, one of which took place a week ago, and the second will be at the end of July. Suffice to say, my time has very much been focusing on this, especially as it's my first time working in events. There has been so much to learn but I seem to be taking it in my stride, albeit a little anxiously, but I'm getting great feedback so I must be doing something right! I just need to get my work/sleep time balance right and then I'll be smashing it.

As well as all this marketing I have been doing, I have also joined forces with another fantastic organisation selling an array of health and beauty products. This is the first time I have done anything like this but I am loving it. I've set up my own business page on Facebook and am building up a steady array of followers on Twitter and Instagram. Come and visit me there and say hi! I have lots of offers on at the moment, and if you quote "TandBiscuits" on ordering i'll give you 10% off! 

You see, I told you, life has been hectic - but in a good way! I'm already planning my next adventure as we head into the second part of this year (can you believe we're almost in July? Scary stuff!) No doubt the next six months will be just as busy and exciting, but I'm hopefully going to reward myself with a holiday in Cape Town at the end of the year so it will be worth it! 

In the meantime, keep a look out for more blogs and as promised, that short story will be posted on here by the end of the week! 

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday lovelies xx