Short Story: Broken Hearted Girl

"I’m not really sure where to start except all I know is I am in love with you. Obscenely in love with you. I think about you all day, every day, it hurts. I wake up and for that split second between dream and reality I feel like everything is ok. That you are here with me, lying wrapped up beside me keeping me warm and safe. 

But you’re not.

Instead I lie in bed at night alone, pining for you, hoping you'll burst through the door in some angst ridden panic telling what a stupid mistake you have made and how sorry you are; begging me to take you back. (Another over active image running through my mind, no doubt). 

All those promises you made to me, the walls you gently knocked down...I trusted you. You made me think things were good, that maybe I had finally met a man who was destined for me; the one I have been waiting so long for. I thought I had found my missing half, but slowly you started to disappear. it was that subtle I barely noticed until I was too far gone to believe what you were doing to me. But now I know, and now it’s too late.

What's frustrating is I am still so ridiculously in love with you my heart and mind can’t figure out what’s happened. I’m torn in two and I can feel myself falling apart and I haven’t even got a clue where, or how, to begin repairing. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, you’re always there. No matter how many friends I surround myself with; how much time I spend with my family and do meaningless things just to keep my mind occupied, I can’t forget you. 

Do you even realise what you are doing to me? I thought we were solid. I thought we wanted the same things, at least that's what you told me. Was everything you said a lie? Did you ever really want any of that with me? I want to hate you so much but I can't. You have thrown me to the wolves and there's nothing I can do to save myself. Are you happy? Are you? 

None of this matters though does it? It's not going to change anything because despite what I am saying to you right now you're not going to burst through my door like a scene out of a movie; you're not going to beg me to take you back because what it all comes down to is I fell in love with a man who didn’t fall in love with me.

And THAT! That, right there, hurts more than I think you will ever imagine. 

But I have to believe. Believe this will get better. Believe however much I try and keep my mind occupied, time will eventually heal the pain and gradually the world will feel like a better place again. I have to believe it will get better because this hurt I am carrying around with me is so fiercely embedded into the pit of my stomach the thought of it never going away is excruciating, and I don't know how long I can live with this feeling. 

I will heal, I have to. For now, though, my tears will continue until I can cry no more.