Ok so there’s no other way to start today’s blog that to get straight to the point.
I am FED UP!
I’m fed up of Covid now! I’m fed of how it is affecting my friends and family; I’m fed up of feeling exhausted even though I’m exercising regularly and actually sleeping quite well at the moment. I’m fed up of having to stay indoors, I’m fed up of the eye infection that is preventing me from wearing any makeup and contributing to me looking like an ugly duckling on Zoom, and I’m fed up that I have run out of dry shampoo and paracetamol!
I was texting my Slimming World leader this morning and we got onto the conversation of the dry shampoo situation and I told her I can’t even get any on Amazon because it’s all sold out. Next thing I know, she’s sending me a link to buy some…on Amazon. Bless her heart! Why couldn’t I see that? I tell you why, it’s because I’M FED UP!
I’m fed up of the dry, flaky skin on my face too. Why have I got that? It’s not like I don’t use moisturiser – in fact I’m using that as much as I’m washing my bloody hands at the moment. And why the hell does my face look so red all the time? Even when I do put foundation on, my face still looks like a beetroot. WHY DAMMIT, WHY?
I’m fed up of the weather. It’s been raining again today and its bloody miserable outside. I realised last night I haven’t been on a holiday since October 2018 so that’s something else that has added to my misery today! Oh look, it's actually snowing now - i seriously can't make this up!
I know I sound like a selfish madam right now and if I am offending anyone with this post, then feel free to tell me and I will apologise. I don’t want to upset or anger anyone, but if I don’t get these feelings out of me somehow, I’m worried they will fester and that’s when the anxiety will rear its ugly head, and quite frankly, I’ve put my family and friends through enough of that over the last couple of years.
So here I am, using the skills learnt during my CBT therapy and writing a convoluted entry trying to explain how I feel in the hope that once I have finished getting it out of my system, I will be able read back and find a better way to deal with it.
By lunchtime today I was so wound up that I decided to have another shower during my break and I did what I should have done this morning and washed my hair in the hope it would make me feel better. It was only after I had dried my hair that I started thinking it was actually doing the job and if I wasn’t being so bloody lazy this morning, maybe all of this could have been prevented. Cue the tears...honestly, I’m not even joking, I bloody well started crying didn’t I. FFS, it’s not even like I’m hormonal either!
Anyway, my working day has finished now, I've got my feelings out and I'm off to do some stretching in the hope that it will make me feel a bit more relaxed. Maybe I should remind myself how bloody lucky I am too and stop being so selfish with these “I’m fed up” statements.
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