Today has been an odd day. It started when I woke up....actually, scrap that. It started at about 6pm last night. I suddenly started to feel really overwhelmed to a point where I got into bed an hour later because I didn't know what to do with myself.
I went through the usual plethora of things I do when I feel like this starting with the standard questions:
Has something happened?
Am I worrying about something?
Where am I now?
Am I safe?
I then did some breathing exercises and gentle stretches, washed my face, had a glass of water and did some more concentrated breathing and to be fair that did help.
I slept relatively well albeit waking up a couple of times in the night, but that's normal for me. It was only when my alarm went off that I realised I was still feeling really crappy!
I normally set 4 alarms every day but by the second one I'm ready to get out of bed and start my day. Today was different though. All four alarms went off and I still couldn't get up. Thankfully my radio was on and I suddently heard it was coming up for 8am, but all that did was cause panic to set in as I realised I only had 30 mins to get ready for a meeting. Thank goodness I'm still working from home....and thank God for dry shampoo!
I did it though but as soon as my laptop went on I sat at my desk and had an uncontrollable urge to start crying. This was not what how I envisaged my Monday to begin. I held it together, and with a big cup of coffee, I got through the meeting, but that awful sickie feeling was lingering and I could feel it getting worse.
I tried reasoning with myself and it did help for a bit but I just felt overcome with Monday blues and all I wanted to do was go back to bed! I mentioned it to a colleague when we were having a catch up but played it down as I didn't want to start crying. To be fair she was really sweet and again it did help but my stomach was still doing somersaults.
By lunchtime I decided some fresh air would be good so I went for a walk to clear my head. I usually listen to music whenever I walk but today the thought of putting earphones in my ears agitated me so I didn't bother.
It was a nice walk. The sun was out and it was a bit chilly too but I like that feeling. I did a nice route too, just under 3k, so enough to get a good bit of fresh air.
I felt better when I got home but it didn't last long. The churning in my stomach soon came back and I could feel the tears building up again. My head was starting to feel like tv snow and it was really making me feel on edge. I drank more water and did more breathing but by 5pm I was exhausted.
I logged off my laptop and sunk myself into a bubble bath, laying there for ages wondering why on earth I felt so off balance. I then lay on my bed for about an hour, questioning whether to bother having dinner but then I suddenly felt really hungry so knew I should!
It's now time to go to bed and I'm still feeling all kinds of strange. For whatever reason I haven't been able to shake this feeling today so the best thing I can do is go to sleep and just hope I feel better in the morning!
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