Coronavirus entry 37: Lockdown 2.0

So here we are again; back in lockdown! Boris has got us locked up for another 4 weeks because the Virus is starting to get out of control again and so we have all been told to stay indoors for another 4 weeks in an attempt to reduce figures before Christmas. 

The good thing is this time it's only 4 weeks (fingers crossed, at least!) and we are allowed to mix with 3 other households for Christmas so at least that means families can still see each other, despite the mixed reactions of some people who think it's the wrong thing to do. 

I'm feeling quite positive about the next four weeks, and think that if we can all just stick it out then hopefully come the new year we will be in a better place. I'm going to focus less on this virus and more on my diet and fitness. I want to lose a bit more weight before Xmas and it will do me some good to focus on something other than being kept indoors for the next month.

Roll on 3rd December...

Coronavirus entry 36: Night-time anxiety

It's 1.30am on Saturday 3rd October and once again I'm finding myself wide awake in bed with all kinds of thoughts racing through my head. It's not the first time this has happened to me. No, infact this is becoming more and more common when I go to bed now to a point where I actually don't want to go to sleep through fear of this happening.

When you suffer with anxiety everything is so much bigger than it probably is and no matter how much you try and adapt the techniques you've learnt or have been taught to deal with it, sometimes it just doesn't work. 

Tonight is one of those nights.

It's safe to say this year has been awful. It's been like nothing we have ever experienced, and while I am forever grateful that my family and friends are safe and well, there is still so much going on related to covid that is just damn right scary. It's in my head. All.The.Time! Every inch of my mind is full of it and I can't seem to shake it.

Take tonight for example. I went to the pub with some friends (6 of us in total!) and it was so nice to be out socialising even if we did have to go home at 10pm! Being around people and enjoying the buzz of a pub was a good feeling and we had such a good time.

Then I came home! Now don't get me wrong, I love being at home. I love my house and my neighbours (well 99% of them!) and I love the freedom of doing my own thing. However since covid, things have changed for me and I'm starting to wonder whether I like being on my own as much as I say I do.

Initially I was working when we went into lockdown and I was so busy so my days were going quickly, albeit stressfully! My family were concerned and wanted me to move in with them but the logistics of working from home just made it easier for me to stay at my own house. I made sure I spoke to them everyday though whether it be on video or over the phone. Staying connected to my loved ones was so important more than ever.

I was then furloughed in June which I didn't actually mind because by then I was ready for a break. (Talk about silver linings!) Thankfully not long after, the covid 'bubble' was introduced and, I was finally able to go and be with some of my family. My sister asked me to join her and the day I went round to see her and my niece really was one of the best days of my life! Being able to cuddle someone for the first time since March was euphoric!

Then came the summer holidays and lockdown eased off and we were able to spend more time with our friends and family again. It felt like a lifetime of Christmases had been given to us in one go. Absolutely magical and I felt so happy.

Now schools and universities have reopened and started their new terms. Businesses are slowly getting back into their office environments, shops are open again and things were looking positive.

But now we are spiking again.

The number of people being tested positive for the Coronavirus is on the rise. There have now been 450,000 cases recorded with more than 40,000 deaths in the UK alone. On Friday, 6968 cases were recorded exceeding the first peak back in April, however more testing is available now so it's likely we will see more cases being documented.

This isn't helping my anxiety! We are already under instruction from the Government to socialise in groups of no more than 6 people. Local lockdowns around the country are becoming more common every day and pubs and restaurants are on a 10pm curfew.

I am also waiting to find out the fate of my job. The furlough scheme ends at the end of October and I still don't know if I have a job to go back to.

I've been keeping myself busy during the day but night time is my worst. Going to bed is easy but the moment I get into bed my mind wakes up and reminds me of all the things that are there! I thought a few drinks at the pub this evening would help but it really didn't!

I was talking about it with my mum on Wednesday and she said it's harder for me because I don't have anyone directly to offload on or tell me not to worry. Of course she reassured me that I must pick up the phone whenever I needed to talk, but she made a good point.

It's funny how much we take having someone next to us for granted. Whether it be a partner, family member or friend living at home, or someone at the office you can habe a quick 10 minute vent to, or check in with. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and it's making me want to have it more than I've ever wanted it. I've even gone as far as wishing I had a boyfriend just so I have someone to cuddle when I go to bed at night rather than keeping my radio on for comfort!

Don't worry, I'm not pining and I'm not desperate (I don't think, anyway) but I am more aware of having someone in my life now that I can share and go through this with. Trying to find it in the middle of a pandemic is an absolute waste of time though.

The other problem I have is my lack of routine. The bonus of furlough has meant I've been able to completely relax and unwind. I've even got into a little habit of having a more than occasional cat nap in the afternoons which isn't doing my sleep any favours. I have, however, made sure I wake up every day at 8am still (excluding weekends) to try and maintain some kind of system but that doesn't always work. It was only a few days ago I turned my alarm off and the next thing it was 11.45am! That's almost half a days work gone already.

I'm trying to be kind to myself and appreciate the time I have off still. I know I need to talk more about how I'm feeling and see more people, but maybe I need to watch less of the news too!

I'm not in a bad place, infact I feel like I've overcome some big emotional hurdles over the last few months, I just haven't quite dealt with my bedtime anxiety, and at night everything is always so much bigger isn't it?

I guess I'll just keep the radio on for the time being...

Coronavirus entry 35: It's all getting a bit vulnerable again...

It's been a week since I got home from Bath now and I have to admit, it's been a rather strange one. Boris announced last week that we are no longer to socialise with people in groups of more than six which meant we couldn't have a usual family get together to celebrate my nephew's 9th birthday. Instead we did it over three days - not that he minded much - but unfortunately he wasn't able to have a party. I think we did enough to make sure he had fun though so that's all that matters.

I've also been having some serious anxiety around my work situation. Furlough ends at the end of next month and I'm still waiting to find out where I stand with my job. I'm hoping I will be able to go back, but you just never know, and if the worst happens I'm then going to have to join the long line of people who are in the same boat. I'm trying not to worry about it, but it is having a bit of an effect on me and I am now feeling a little run down so I've decided a few sofa days at home will do the trick. 

In the meantime, the Coronavirus is starting to rear its ugly head once more and we are beginning to see a second spike hitting the country. The Covid level has moved back up from 3 - 4 which means the epidemic is in general circulation and transmission is high or rising exponentially and today the UK has recorded 4926 new cases - the highest number in four months. The UK has also recorded 37 deaths - the highest since 14th July. 

Boris has tonight addressed the country and told us that in order to stop this from getting worse we have to make changes including:

• 10pm curfew for pubs, bars and restaurants from Thursday 24 September
• Table service only in hospitality venues
• Work from home if you can
• Customers must wear face coverings in taxis, as well as staff in retail
• Staff and customers in indoor hospitality must now wear face coverings
• From Monday 28 September, only 15 people can attend a wedding service and reception - 30 people can still attend a funeral
• A maximum of six people can take part in indoor team sports
• Large sports events and conferences will not take place from 1 October, as previously planned 

A lot of people still feel like the Government are giving us mixed messages and there are feelings of uncertainty floating around, but I think for now, the best thing we can all do is just do everything we can to stay safe and well. 

Coronavirus entry 32: Greetings from Timsbury!

I've arrived safely in the wonderful Timsbury, a small village just outside of the city of Bath, to spend a week with my Dad.

So far, it's been a wonderful couple of days. We arrived yesterday lunchtime to beautiful sunshine so did a bit of pottering around the house before taking an obligatory walk to the local pub, The Seven Stars, for a few drinks! 

The pub was closed throughout lockdown and only reopened again about two weeks ago after gaining new management, so you can imagine, this is big news for the village! It's also great for us as we love a pub visit, especially when it's only round the corner, so it seems silly not to support the local business! 

We even managed to do a little braai (bbq) yesterday evening which was lovely, although we think that may we be the last of this year now, but who knows!

Today has been much of the same. A little walk around the village, drinks at the pub and chilling around the house, and I couldn't ask for more! There's something about Timsbury that completely relaxes me every time I come here, and I seem to sink into this wonderful bubble of bliss. It's such a beautiful part of the country and the views from my Dad's house are so beautiful, as you can see in the photos! It must be the tranquility of village life, but also just being with my Dad, that I love. 

I was originally going to stay for a week, but my Dad suggested staying all of next weekend too so I'm going to go back a week tomorrow instead. The sweetest thing is Dad is going to drive me home again too and stay the night at mine so I'm making it my mission to enjoy every minute with him!                                                                       

Coronavirus entry 31: Goodbye summer holidays...

I am feeling somewhat flat today. The summer holidays are officially over and schools have reopened for the new September term despite the Coronavirus still lurking. 

I remember talking to my sister at the beginning of the school holidays and saying to her that I secretly hope my furlough doesn't end anytime soon because it's been so long since I had a school term summer holiday, and I really wanted to be able to have the opportunity to enjoy it.

Well, thankfully that happened. The last 5.5 weeks have been amazing. Although we can't forget the reasons around why I am not working at the moment, and the fact we are still very much surrounded by a killer virus, I feel so unbelievably blessed to have had the time off because I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my 2 year old niece, Ella and build a really lovely bond with her. This girl has given me so much love and laughter this summer and they are memories I will always treasure. 

I have also been able to spend time with my two nephews, Thomas, 8 and Oliver, 5, who again, are the most incredible boys to ever grace this planet! Their intelligence, cheekiness, laughter and infectious happiness has warmed my heart so much. I really have been blessed with the most amazing niece and nephews and will never take that for granted. The only downside is the more time I spend with them, the more I miss them when they're not around.

Since coming out of lockdown, my family have been my priority. Not being able to see them for so long really was heartbreaking and a big struggle, and I think that's why I'm feeling the way I am today.  I have indulged in time with my family and friends and it really has been a blessing.

Now the day has come for schools, nursery's and childcare to restart and it's making me feel rather emotional. However, this evening I am going to a friends house for dinner, and tomorrow my dad arrives from Bath for the night and then I will be going back to his house with him for a week and I can't tell you how happy I am! I have seen him a couple of times over the last few months, but to be able to spend a whole week of quality time with him, will again, be priceless!

Coronavirus Entry 30: Here comes the bride...almost!

Another lovely weekend in the bag! I really have been blessed with some wonderful moments since we've come out of lockdown and I am making sure I enjoy every single minute of them. This weekend was another!

My very good friend, Chelsey, is getting married next month, but due to Covid (again!) we had to cancel her hen do which was going to be in July, however, now we are out of lockdown, and are allowed smaller get togethers, one of her bridesmaids arranged a surprise get together with some of her local friends to make up for it! 

After much organising a planning, we arranged a lovely afternoon bbq at another friends house and it went down an absolute storm. Chelsey was so overwhelmed and it was the first time we have all really had a chance to properly celebrate with her, and of course, it wouldn't be a hen celebration without the classic "Mr and Mrs" game and of course, lots of shots and one hell of a cake! 

The weather held out too, albeit a little windy but we didn't let that stop us. With drinks flowing, lots of cheesy music and a very happy bride-to-be, it was an afternoon of much laughter and happiness. The perfect set up before she says "I do".

Coronavirus entry 29: A visit to my mumma's

The last couple of days have been so nice. I went to my mums yesterday and ended up spending the night and it was so lovely. She lives about a half an hours drive from me so I usually just visit for a few hours, but given I'm furloughed, I was invited to stay over for a change so I thought why the hell not!  

She took me out to lunch to a lovely hotel called The Stanwick Hotel. It was a lovely sunny day so we sat outside and had a few drinks and shared a sandwich, and what was even nicer was a wedding was taking place too. Obviously, it was very much done under covid rules, but it was lovely to see that despite what we are going through, people are still managing to celebrate happy moments together. 

We then spent the afternoon chilling in her garden enjoying a few drinks and the sunshine before being joined by some more family which took us into the late evening. 

It was so nice to spend the time with her and enjoy a bit of relaxing too. Unfortunately, today we have woken up to wind and rain so it's not as nice, but I am home now, despite getting thrown around in my car quite a lot on the drive back, but I am relaxing on the sofa for the rest of the day, where I will no doubt end up contemplating my life choices!