Stumped....

Being able to write means being able to sit down and put words to paper and create something worth reading, something funny, enjoyable, moving, something that even just one person can relate to. But what happens when you write and nothing comes out, yet there are so many things running around in your head that you are dying to express but for some reason you can’t?

 

What’s worse is that thing you know you’re good at, that your friends and family support and encourage you to keep doing in the hope that one day your dreams will be fulfilled, gets thrown back in your face by someone who doesn’t even know you?  

“You’re creativity didn’t wow us.” 

Five words…that’s all it took. Five silly little words to make my eyes sting with salt water and my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach because I know, and I know full well, those words are not true. Everything about me screams creativity. It’s what has helped me express myself, helped me to understand, to learn, and is what I know people love so much about me. It’s my passion, my strength, my heart, my soul, only now it has been tainted by something I should just forget about and move on from.  

But I can’t. It’s there embedded in me. I should do as everyone’s saying, and ignore it because what might be right for one person isn’t necessarily right for another. It’s times like this where I wish the “don’t-give-a-crap-what-people-think-Tanya” would surface, but the reality is, she doesn’t really exist. I wish I could be more carefree and not dwell so much on things. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so damn emotional and sensitive all the time.  

It’s been said though and now I have to deal with it, and the irony of all is that talking isn’t helping me, its writing. Maybe I’m not good enough, maybe this is just a dream, although something inside of me is telling me to keep fighting for that one person out there reading my words to finally see my battle to get noticed. Maybe then, I can rewrite the story again, only next time I will get my happy ending.