Happy bank holiday, lovelies

There's something to be said about sunny bank holiday, and today is no exception.

I woke up to photographs from my family Watsapp chat from my mum, who is currently enjoying a break in Devon, and sent a gorgeous picture of the view from her early morning walk around Batham, followed closely behind from my brother, who is on a holiday in Dorset, and spending the day at Shore Road beach with his family.

It is now 3.30pm and I am chilling in my back garden, music on, sun shining and enjoying a vodka and diet coke before catching up with some friends later this evening. My next door neighbours have the same idea. On one side the family are enjoying a late lunch together and being entertained by my kitten, Domino, who keeps jumping into their garden, much to the excitement of the little girl who is with them. On the other side of me, it is very much the same scene, only the bbq is on the go and talk about Sarah Harding's win on Big Brother is very much a topic of debate!

The weather is being particularly kind to us too. As Brits, we are used to expecting less sunshine and more rain these days, however I think the Gods have decided to give us a break and departed the grey, unleased the blue and it's lovely! Everyone is in good spirits. I can hear music in the distance, champagne is being popped and cheers can be heard from a nearby birthday celebration. It really is a lovely way for us to enjoy the last of this years bank holidays.

In a few hours time I am going to be venturing out to a nearby pub garden for a much needed catch up with some girlfriends, but in the meantime, my feet are up, the sun cream is on and I am relishing in some much needed vitamin D!

Enjoy the rest of your bank holiday weekend, lovelies.

Live life, dream big and go for it

Over the last week and a half I have been spending some much needed time away from work and recharging the batteries and I can't tell you how much I have been enjoying it. After what has felt like a year of non-stop work, I have spent time thinking about what I'm doing with my life and the priorities I have been putting on the back burner, and it has really got me thinking. 

Two days ago whilst going through my Facebook memories, I stumbled across a message left on my page from a guy I got talking to at University. Talk about a blast from the past! Doing what no doubt everyone does in these situations, I clicked on his page to have a nosey at what he's up to now and to my shock, I discovered his page had been turned into a memorial of his life. This lovely man who I knew for a short time in my life had lost his to a rare form of cancer, leaving behind a wife and two children. My heart broke in two right there and I found myself crying my eyes out. He was only a year older than me and although we only knew each other for a short time, he really was one of life's good guys. 

Since Friday, so many thoughts have been going through my mind. I have been thinking about how his passing must be affecting all those so close to him and it has reminded me again just how precious life is. 

On Saturday night I was going to meet up with a guy I've known for a few years. We originally met on Tinder (Yes, I admit it, I'm on there!) and without going into too much detail, it didn't work out. Despite really liking him and both of us wanting the same thing (to settle down, get married, kids etc etc) for some reason or another fate had other ideas and it never happened. However, we have recently been in touch with each other again, and although I had my reservations, I agreed to meet up with him and last night was going to be it, but once again, fate got in the way and it didn't happen. 

Whilst you may find it odd that I have skipped so frivolously to this topic, the reason I am bringing it up is because despite agreeing to meet him, I admit, I was apprehensive. I was worried about how it would make me feel seeing him again, but after my Facebook shock on Friday, I realised life is too short to be worrying about that and I should go for it. That being said, he cancelled on me anyway so it wasn't meant to be. 

Still in my reflection bubble, I have been thinking about all sorts of things; maybe a little too much thinking, but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't trying to over analyse and justify myself. What I have decided though is I am a good person and I deserve someone good to come into my life and treat me well. I also know that despite my anxiety, my sensitivity and my perseverance to try new things, the only way I am going to really live my life is if I do something about it. 

Although the work rush has started to settle down, I know when I go back next week there will be lots to do and I don't doubt for a minute that it will get any less busy. However, what I do know is it's time to re-evaluate my work/life balance and start putting my dreams into plans once more. There are still so many things I want to do and somewhere along the line I have forgotten about them. Not any more. Now is the time for me to focus not just on work, but on myself and start crossing off my own personal "to do" list. 

Life is short and it's so important to do everything you dream of while you still can. To the man I once knew, Rest In Peace. I send all my love and thoughts to your family and friends and am so sorry to hear your life was cruelly taken so soon. During the brief time when we crossed paths, it was a pleasure to know you and I can only imagine how big the gap must be in the lives of those you have left behind. 

Vacancy available, apply below...

Today I am tired; emotionally and physically. It took every drop of energy to drag myself out of bed despite fighting against the snooze button on my alarm clock. Work was tough; I tried to get through it as best as I could by listening to some of my favourite music on YouTube, but the drive home took me straight to Tesco express and as a result have just eaten my way through a Chicken Jalfrezi and am already over halfway through a bottle on Pinot!

The worst thing about feeling like this is the difficulty I have trying to snap out of it. I usually find it easy enough to do, once I've have a shower, strong coffee and decorated my face with make up, but today? No, today wasn't happening.

I know what a need: a holiday and a bit of TLC. Thankfully I have some time off coming up which I can't wait for, but seriously, the TLC would be so lush. I'm not asking for much, just a few cuddles, a massage and plenty of wine and/or vodka. A girl can dream!

So now, here I am, curled up in my snuggle chair browsing through Tinder and Bumble wondering what on earth is going on with my life! I'm contemplating going to bed now, after all it is 9pm, but then again Celeb Big Brother is about to start. Yes, I watch it...like I said, what on earth is going on in my life! 

At least, for now, I have Domino (my housemate's kitten) to cudddle up to. In the meantime, anyone wishing to apply for the position of TLC giver, feel free to leave me a message in the comments underneath this post! 

Now, time for a top up....

Flying as a 'very fat person': a heartbreaking account of one woman's experience

During my lunch break today, I stumbled across an article I found online about the experiences of flying for a plus-size woman. Initially I was drawn to it because I am a total contradiction when it comes to flying. I absolutely hate it but am fascinated by it at the same time (when I'm on the ground, that is!) so when I saw this piece, many questions entered my head. What followed next, I hadn't expected.

Opening up the article, I overlooked the introduction as my eye caught sight of a thread of tweets by a lady on twitter who goes by the name @yrfatfriend detailing an experience she had with a fellow passenger on a flight, and the preparation she goes through before even booking a plane ticket. 

From researching airline policies on sizes of customers and purchasing two seats for herself to taking her own seat belt extenders so she can save on the embarrassment of asking the flight attendant for one, I immediately felt my heart breaking for her, but it didn't stop there. She continued to explain how she is made to feel when on a plane: 

"As a very fat person on a plane, I am treated like luggage--a cumbersome, exasperating, inconvenience. Inanimate & unfeeling."

I felt angry. Who on this earth has the right to make another person feel this way? She is no different to the rest of us so why is she being subjected to such appalling behaviour? Just because she carries more weight than others? No, this is unacceptable. 

She continued to recall the first time someone made a complaint against her. She was on an overbooked flight and moved to a middle seat next to man who made no attempt to engage with her other than to say "this is for your comfort. It'll be better for both of us" after he'd taken the time to complain about her to the flight attendant. W***er sprung to my mind when I read that, quickly followed by tears when she continued to express how that made her feel:

"I spent the rest of the flight with my arms & legs crossed. Humiliated and alone. No one spoke to me or made eye contact."

My heart broke once more and completely shattered when she concluded this encounter when the man spoke to her at the end of the flight:

"I wouldn't do that to someone who was pregnant or in a wheelchair" he said. "I know," I said "That's what makes this so awful."

This terrible experience stopped the woman from flying for a year and a half. A year and a half! Again, not acceptable. She refused to travel for work and missed out on quality time with her family, all because of some ignorant arsehole who felt it was his duty to body shame someone. 

Although she is now flying again, and very much refusing to let people get to her, I can't help but think this battle is one she will continue to fight:

"I fly because my life is my own, and others' preconceptions of me & my body won't control it. But they can make it much, much harder."

In a world where we are faced with so much hatred, one of the things that restores my faith in humanity is the way in which we pull together in times when it was needed. Where was her support? We shouldn't need a disaster to happen to look out for people. We should ALWAYS be looking out for one another. Why didn't anyone stick up for her or confront the man for his offensive behavior? 

We need to spend less time judging and more time supporting one another, which is why I have written this blog. @yrfatfriend, I don't know you and you don't know me, but please know this; there are people out there who will stick up for you and support you. There are people who will not judge and there are people who will fight back when you can't find the strength to do it on your own. As you mentioned in your thread, I hope you continue to progress and shine within your career and enjoy every moment you have with your niece and nephew. As an aunty myself, I know how important these moments are and I would hate for anyone to stop me from seeing them because of a nasty comment. 

Continue to be you and don't let the weak minded bring you down.

To read the full article, click here.

A different beat

Sometimes you have to write what's in your heart. Today is this, maybe tomorrow it will be a different story...

Wrap your arms around me. Tell me I’ll be ok.

Keep me safe from the world, all throughout the day.

When night time falls, I cannot sleep, remind me you are near

Let me know I’m not alone; that I have nothing left to fear.

My fragile heart is feeling sad, my soul is tired and weak

Wrap me up, keep me warm, my outlook feels so bleak

I want to smile and feel the heat, of love that surrounds me so

But here today, I cannot do, so please don’t let me go.

Go Mo!

Last night, as I got home from celebrating my friends wedding, I decided to check in with Rio and see what was happening at the Olympics. What I hadn't anticipated was turning on the TV to see Mo Farah, Jessica Ennis-Hill and Greg Rutherford competing. 

As I sat up in bed cheering them all on and feeling completely inspired by their efforts, it was Mo Farah that really made an impact as I watched him become a 3rd time Olympic gold champion in the 10,000m. 

Seeing his race plan unfold, I had everything crossed that he would win...that was until he stumbled. In that moment I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach so I can only image what must have been going through his mind. Then something extraordinary happened. Despite the fall, we witnessed him pick himself back up, continue the race and push himself to not only continue, but also win it!

If ever there was a time to feel inspired, it's now. Mo proved that even at a most crucial point in your life, mishaps can still happen, but it really is about picking yourself up and using all the strength you have to push yourself to that end goal.

So, for anyone out there thinking they're not good enough, can't succeed or are worrying about taking a risk; don't because the race really can be won!

Short Story: Broken Hearted Girl

"I’m not really sure where to start except all I know is I am in love with you. Obscenely in love with you. I think about you all day, every day, it hurts. I wake up and for that split second between dream and reality I feel like everything is ok. That you are here with me, lying wrapped up beside me keeping me warm and safe. 

But you’re not.

Instead I lie in bed at night alone, pining for you, hoping you'll burst through the door in some angst ridden panic telling what a stupid mistake you have made and how sorry you are; begging me to take you back. (Another over active image running through my mind, no doubt). 

All those promises you made to me, the walls you gently knocked down...I trusted you. You made me think things were good, that maybe I had finally met a man who was destined for me; the one I have been waiting so long for. I thought I had found my missing half, but slowly you started to disappear. it was that subtle I barely noticed until I was too far gone to believe what you were doing to me. But now I know, and now it’s too late.

What's frustrating is I am still so ridiculously in love with you my heart and mind can’t figure out what’s happened. I’m torn in two and I can feel myself falling apart and I haven’t even got a clue where, or how, to begin repairing. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, you’re always there. No matter how many friends I surround myself with; how much time I spend with my family and do meaningless things just to keep my mind occupied, I can’t forget you. 

Do you even realise what you are doing to me? I thought we were solid. I thought we wanted the same things, at least that's what you told me. Was everything you said a lie? Did you ever really want any of that with me? I want to hate you so much but I can't. You have thrown me to the wolves and there's nothing I can do to save myself. Are you happy? Are you? 

None of this matters though does it? It's not going to change anything because despite what I am saying to you right now you're not going to burst through my door like a scene out of a movie; you're not going to beg me to take you back because what it all comes down to is I fell in love with a man who didn’t fall in love with me.

And THAT! That, right there, hurts more than I think you will ever imagine. 

But I have to believe. Believe this will get better. Believe however much I try and keep my mind occupied, time will eventually heal the pain and gradually the world will feel like a better place again. I have to believe it will get better because this hurt I am carrying around with me is so fiercely embedded into the pit of my stomach the thought of it never going away is excruciating, and I don't know how long I can live with this feeling. 

I will heal, I have to. For now, though, my tears will continue until I can cry no more.