As I discovered what life is like as a polygamist I found myself confused and even angry that people live this way. To me, love is about giving your heart and soul completely to one person, opening up to share your thoughts and feelings, working through the good and bad, and creating memories for you both to cherish. Yet watching this programme forced me to question why, and how, a man would want to commit lifelong to more than one woman for any other reason than massaging his ego, and why a woman would want to share her husband. How can you create the intimacy and trust you find amongst two people in this situation?
Listening to the wives discuss their pain after learning their husband had found his fourth wife was almost comical and I couldn't help but think they were deluding themselves. This maybe a lifestyle they are accustomed to but neither of the women seemed fully comfortable with their husband bed hopping and splitting his week between them all. The first wife, whom he had been married to for 20 years sat quietly as the other ladies discussed, or in my book, justified, the reasoning behind this existence, yet her eyes told a bigger story. They looked dark and sad and when she did speak, she was timid.
The wife-to-be discussed how she felt like an outsider to his wives because they were uncomfortable with her invading their home, yet she was still happy to discuss wedding plans and moving into the shared home with her two children from a previous marriage. I’ve always believed binding yourself in Holy Matrimony doesn't open doors to allowing your man to marry again, not unless you divorce him first! I want a man who will love me and only me, not spend his week split between numerous women. That fantasy can remain in his dreams!
Then of course there are children to consider. What does this teach them about love and creating stable relationships? Love is confusing enough as it is, let alone in this situation. Although the teenagers on this documentary accepted it (as one would growing up in such an environment), the eldest girl admitted she would only ever marry one man, proving that deep down she is uncomfortable with it, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.
I am perplexed that this lifestyle really exists. It seems so alien to me and I felt uncomfortable watching the struggles these people were faced with and how they are working on accepting one another. It doesn’t seem real and part of me wishes it wasn’t because it felt awkward and wrong. I may not be an expert when it comes to love but I do know this, if my future husband thinks he can have his cake and eat it, he can think again!
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