World Mental Health Day

There have been times in my life where I can feel so unbelievably overwhelmed it feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. It digs so deep into my skin I can feel every inch of my body aching and dragging me down. Unexplainable tears roll down my cheeks, food becomes an unhealthy comfort, sleeping becomes a challenge, and my thought process becomes so bleak and tangled I struggle to find a way to explain how I am feeling. The only way to describe my mind is to compare it to the look and sound of snow on a screen when you're trying to tune in a TV channel. It's stifling.

On days like this it's hard to get a grasp on reality and put myself back onto my axis but I have learnt over the last couple of years that it can be done.

I'm not the best at sharing how I feel. I focus more on looking after others than myself but I know now my own self care is just as important and necessary as those around me.

Recent CBT therapy, and the unbelievable love and support from my friends and family, has made me realise just how important it is to share these experiences and feelings. It's also taught me that being open with how I am feeling is a good thing and most importantly, it's absolutely OK to have worrisome days, no matter how big or small the problem is.

I won't lie, there are still days where I struggle with my anxiety, but that's ok; it's a part of who I am. It just means I need to make sure I am surrounding myself with the people who I can lean on, and keep practicing the techniques I have been taught, to help me through it.

To anyone reading this who is struggling, please be reassured, you are not alone. You are an incredible human who is SO loved, SO valued and SO worthy of living a wonderful life. It's ok to not be ok, and there are so many people around you who can help you. It may seem scary to take that step, but trust me, it will be the best thing for you.

Life is short, so please, be kind, help when you can, love hard and let's continue to look out for each other. We're in this together so let's be there for one another. 

#WorldMentalHealthDay2021
#WorldMentalHealthDay
#YouAreLoved
#ItsOkToNotBeOk

Coronavirus entry 49: Freedom, I wont let you down, I will not give you up?

Today is supposed to mark a big day in England. A day that signifies the end of all legal, social and economic restrictions surrounding the Coronavirus. This is the last step in the Government's plan to ease the country out of lockdown, taking us back to a "normal" way of life. Initially planned for 21st June, the decision was made to delay it by 4 weeks because of the rise in cases and hospitalisations. 

The irony of this however, is, yesterday afternoon Boris Johnson announced on his Instagram page that he had been "pinged" by the NHS covid app to say he had been in contact with someone who has tested positive with the virus and as a result, he now has to self isolate for 10 days. He's not the only one either. There has been a surge in the number of people around the country also getting these alerts and I personally know a few people - friends and family - who have received this notification, or have tested positive themselves, despite having both vaccinations. 

As of 17.50 today, the Government website has recorded today's daily figure of positive covid results is 39,950 in the last 24 hours, with 46,024 new cases per day in the last week. There are 4,094 people currently in hospital with the virus, 19 deaths recorded in the last 28 days and a total of 322,170 recorded in the last 7 days. 

It's clear to see we are very much not out of the woods yet. While we have seen nightclubs and bars celebrating this freedom by throwing midnight parties, and emails and updates coming in from businesses and organisations confirming what this means for them, and how they will be moving things back to a "normal" way of operating, there is still very much a responsibility to behold to prevent us going backwards. 

Last week, for example, I started feeling really run down and ended up with a terrible sore throat and cold which saw me spend two days at home lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. Of course, I took a lateral flow test at home, in fact, I ended up doing one most days because I wanted to make sure I was ok and not be a risk to anyone around me. Thankfully they were all negative, but I won't lie, I've been feeling incredibly paranoid about it ever since. 

I even did another test this morning after going to my cousin's wedding on Saturday, and while it was very much organised within the realms of what you can and can't do, I was aware that this was the first big event I had been to since we first went into lockdown. Again, it was negative, but I'm already planning to do another tomorrow before I go back to work. Too much? Perhaps, but you just don't know right now.  

So while we should all be embracing our new freedom, it still feels like we are all very much entrapped, and to be honest, I genuinely do not feel like this is the end of the Coronavirus and I'm not quite ready to dance on tables and shout about our freedom when it seems like there is still too much going around. 

For now, if anyone wants me, I will be erring on the side of caution and not rushing into too much of a good thing because right now, I still feel like this Coronavirus is still bad!

Coronavirus entry 48: Happy Birthday to me!

It's my 41st birthday today! My second one throughout this pandemic, however despite certain restrictions in place, I spent yesterday with my family in a covid-safe garden having a bbq and a few vodka's and it was absolutely lovely to be with them. 

I can't believe a whole year has passed since I was celebrating the big 4-0; I really don't know where the time has gone, but here I am 365 days later, seeing life with very different eyes! 

A lot has happened to me over the last 12 months: I was furloughed, I got made redundant, I was offered a part time job which has now been made full time, and I am back in the office at work. There's no doubt about it, the Coronavirus has made me think a LOT about life and where I am with mine and there's no doubt about it, I am in a much happier place today than I was at the start of this pandemic, but I do still carry around a lot of worry. 

Not wanting to get too morbid on my birthday or all days, I have definitely been thinking about death a lot more recently and it's been hard to get out of that thought process when death toll figures are being thrown in our faces every day. It's not something I want to be thinking about but it has made me realise I want to do more with my life. 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life, but I don't feel like I'm living my best. I tend to talk a lot about things I want to do but never actually do anything about it. I've realised now, this has to stop because I'm only restricting myself from opportunities and experiences that are out there waiting for me. Even if I do them on my own, it's time to stop being scared and just live my life so I can share my story. 

I also heard today that zero new covid deaths have been reports in England, Scotland and Northern Ireland today. This is BIG news! For the first time 14 months, this is the news we have all been wanting to hear. I know we are not out of the water yet, but we are definitely in a better place to start living our lives again. 

As I type this moment of reflection, I feel good. I'm looking forward to being able to put plans into action again and making decisions and trying new things. I realise now is the time to start taking more risks and being brave about the decisions I make. Let's hope the rest of 2021 brings more positivity and fingers crossed for some fun times ahead! 

Coronavirus entry 47: Back to the office

Today was a big day for me as it was my first day back at the office since March last year when the Government officially put us into lockdown.

To say I have been feeling anxious is an understatement. I slept terribly all weekend and my stomach was in knots for days so much so I arranged to meet a colleague in the car park just so we could walk in together because she was feeling just as apprehensive. I won't lie, it was a relief to know I wasn't the only person feeling this way! 

However, as soon as we walked in, we were greeted with the sweetest of welcomes. Yes, we had to go through the rigmarole of getting our temperature checked and sanitising our hands but on a big screen TV in our reception area was a 'welcome back' message with our names flashing up too! 

We then got to our desks (which had been moved around to make sure they were covid safe) and sitting there was a blue bag of goodies with a handwritten card from our Directors, a water bottle, a travel coffee cup, anti bac hand gel and wipes and a ridiculous amount of sweets and goodies to snack on! How thoughtful; I was really touched by such a lovely gesture. 

The day itself actually went quite well and it was nice to see people again so hopefully the rest of the week will be OK, and most importantly, I'm hoping to get a better night's sleep this evening!! 

Coronavirus entry 46: Goodbye Prince Philip

Today we watched The Queen say a final farewell to her beloved husband, Prince Philip, as his funeral was aired on television around the world. 

The ceremonial funeral took place at St George's Chapel, in the grounds of Windsor Castle, at 15:00pm, and with current lockdown rules, only 30 people were allowed to attend. We saw The Queen and various members of her family attend, along with 3 members of Prince Philip's German family. 

Where this would have usually been a state funeral, Prince Philip had previously requested a smaller, low key ceremony, which The Queen honoured. There were still wonderful tributes and flowers that had come in though, both on social media, and laid at Buckingham palace. 

Live television coverage began as early as 7am, with other channels and radio stations offering programmes and discussions about the life of the Prince, prior to the funeral starting. 

The military honoured Prince Philip with a 41 gun salute every minute at 1pm, both on land and at sea, at major Cities across the UK, as well as the naval base in Gibraltar, as a mark of respect. 

At 2.15pm the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards lined up at the Quadrangle in Windsor Castle along with military representatives that had special connections with Prince Philip and at 2.40pm the coffin was carried out and place on a Land Rover where Princes Charles, Andrew, Edward and Princess Anne, Princes William and Harry walked behind. Princess Anne's son Peter Phillips, Vice Admiral Sir Tim Laurence and the Earl of Snowdon were also part of the procession, with members of the duke's staff followed behind. The Queen travelled on her own in a state Bentley at the rear of the procession. 

Seeing The Queen alone has without a doubt touched the hearts of everyone. There was a moment as she walked into the Chapel where she stopped and turned around, with many people believing it was her natural reaction to waiting for her husband to join her. We then saw her sitting alone on one of the benches at the front of St George's Chapel, which was absolutely heartbreaking. (This was due to Covid rules).

Prince Philip was lowered into the Royal Vault in the grounds of the Chapel at the end of the ceremony, however out of respect to The Queen and her family, only the start of this was televised. 

It is thought he will lay there until The Queen passes, and will then be moved to lay alongside her at King George VI memorial chapel where her parents' The Queen Mother, King George VI and The Queen's sister, Princess Margaret have all been laid to rest. 

Coronavirus entry 45: Phase 2 of easing lockdown

I think it's safe to say, the majority of people in England are rejoicing today because we have finally made it to phase 2 of the Government's plan to ease us out of lockdown which means pub gardens, gyms, shops and beauty salons have reopened, much to the relief of the business owners and everyone else who is in need of a haircut, a good workout, a new wardrobe and a good catch up over a few drinks with friends! 

Zoos and theme parks are also now open as well so there is a real sense of relief and elation from a lot of people as we mark the start of getting back to life once more. 

I have seen endless photos on social media of people documenting what they have all been doing today. For me though, it was very much the same, working from home all day! I did, however, book in to have a gym induction so that felt good, I have to admit.

There are still a lot of people who are really nervous about all of this and would much rather stick to the isolated lifestyle we have become accustomed to over the last 12 months and it's not surprising really. We are all still very much at risk of getting Covid, and despite this new lifting, the Government are still urging us to be careful. 

Only time will tell, I guess! 

Coronavirus entry 44: RIP Prince Philip

Today the world was shaken with sad news after Buckingham Palace released a statement announcing Prince Philip has died at the age of 99 years. 

Married to Queen Elizabeth for 73 years, Prince Philip had recently been in hospital following ill health but returned home only a few days before he passed away. 

The news was made on The Royal Family's instagram page with the following:

"It is with deep sorrow that Her Majesty The Queen has announced the death of her beloved husband, His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.

His Royal Highness passed away peacefully this morning at Windsor Castle.

The Royal Family join with people around the world in mourning his loss.

Further announcements will be made in due course. Visit www.royal.uk via the link in our bio."

Tributes have been coming in from all over the world since the news broke and despite officials asking the public to stay away from Buckingham Palace for Covid reasons, people have still be laying flowers, and leaving messages, at the gates of the Palace.

The Royal family have now officially gone into mourning whilst arrangements will be made for Prince Philip's funeral. 

Coronavirus entry 43: One year on

Today marks one year since the Government officially put us into national lockdown because of the Coronavirus, and on this very day last year, I started my first "Coronavirus entry" here on my blog. I noted how 281 people had died in the UK since the virus broke at the end of January and 5,683 people had been confirmed as having the virus. 365 days later and the Government website figures state 126,284 people have died within 28 days of a positive test in the UK alone and there are 148,125 deaths with Covid-19 recorded on death certificates.

A one minute silence took place at midday today to remember the victims of this awful pandemic and this evening, people have been lighting candles, and famous landmarks around the country have been lit up to signify this remembrance. 

It feels strange thinking about this day a year ago; saying goodbye to my colleagues work and sending messages to my family and friends, where we were all reiterating the same message - to keep in touch, and most importantly, stay safe. Nobody knew the extent of this virus, and even I admit to being a little naive about the whole situation, believing we would be back at work within a few weeks. 

Over the last 12 months we have seen mass panic as people stock up on food and home supplies; businesses - big and small - going into liquidation; a huge surge in redundancies, the NHS at breaking point, 3 national lockdowns and families torn apart with grief from losing their loved ones. 

We have also seen the most wonderful acts of kindness and support from all over the country. People have gone out of their way to donate money where they can, provide home made bakes and gifts for frontline workers and find ways collaboratively, to help supply food and meals to those who need it. Neighbours have joined together to clap for our heroes and have taken the time to look out for the elderly and vulnerable. 

Half of the UK adult population (approx 28 million) have now had their first vaccination and the Government are planning to get all adults immunised by the end of July. We are now slowly starting to come out of what we hope to be our last lockdown and begin living our lives as best we can, however we are already hearing from the Government that this may not be as fast acting as first hoped. 

Whatever happens over the next few weeks, today is one we should all reflect on. It has been one of the strangest years of our lives and has affected us all individually in so many ways. Going forward, I hope we can continue to unite together in support and love and do the best we can to help those who need it. My thoughts tonight are with the families who have lost loved ones and I am lighting my own candle in your memory. 

Coronavirus entry 42: Monday blues

Today has been an odd day. It started when I woke up....actually, scrap that. It started at about 6pm last night. I suddenly started to feel really overwhelmed to a point where I got into bed an hour later because I didn't know what to do with myself. 

I went through the usual plethora of things I do when I feel like this starting with the standard questions:

Has something happened?

Am I worrying about something? 

Where am I now?

Am I safe? 

I then did some breathing exercises and gentle stretches, washed my face, had a glass of water and did some more concentrated breathing and to be fair that did help. 

I slept relatively well albeit waking up a couple of times in the night, but that's normal for me. It was only when my alarm went off that I realised I was still feeling really crappy! 

I normally set 4 alarms every day but by the second one I'm ready to get out of bed and start my day. Today was different though. All four alarms went off and I still couldn't get up. Thankfully my radio was on and I suddently heard it was coming up for 8am, but all that did was cause panic to set in as I realised I only had 30 mins to get ready for a meeting. Thank goodness I'm still working from home....and thank God for dry shampoo!

I did it though but as soon as my laptop went on I sat at my desk and had an uncontrollable urge to start crying. This was not what how I envisaged my Monday to begin. I held it together, and with a big cup of coffee, I got through the meeting, but that awful sickie feeling was lingering and I could feel it getting worse.

I tried reasoning with myself and it did help for a bit but I just felt overcome with Monday blues and all I wanted to do was go back to bed! I mentioned it to a colleague when we were having a catch up but played it down as I didn't want to start crying. To be fair she was really sweet and again it did help but my stomach was still doing somersaults. 

By lunchtime I decided some fresh air would be good so I went for a walk to clear my head. I usually listen to music whenever I walk but today the thought of putting earphones in my ears agitated me so I didn't bother. 

It was a nice walk. The sun was out and it was a bit chilly too but I like that feeling. I did a nice route too, just under 3k, so enough to get a good bit of fresh air. 

I felt better when I got home but it didn't last long. The churning in my stomach soon came back and I could feel the tears building up again. My head was starting to feel like tv snow and it was really making me feel on edge. I drank more water and did more breathing but by 5pm I was exhausted. 

I logged off my laptop and sunk myself into a bubble bath, laying there for ages wondering why on earth I felt so off balance. I then lay on my bed for about an hour, questioning whether to bother having dinner but then I suddenly felt really hungry so knew I should! 

It's now time to go to bed and I'm still feeling all kinds of strange. For whatever reason I haven't been able to shake this feeling today so the best thing I can do is go to sleep and just hope I feel better in the morning! 

Coronavirus entry 41: Where has the time gone?

I can't believe it's been nearly two months since my last blog - where has that time gone? I had such an outpouring of love after my last post which found me ranting and raving about how annoyed I was feeling, and it made me realise just how lucky I am to have the most incredible people in my life. Friends and family got in touch to check in on me, I had people messaging me on Facebook and some even reaching out on Twitter to make sure I was ok. Honestly, it was a lovely feeling.

A lot has happened since then too. The Government have began a 4 step programme to ease us out of lockdown, starting tomorrow (8th March) where all children and students will return to school and college. There has been a lot of at home celebrating on social media this weekend from parents who have been congratulating each other on a job well done, but are very much looking forward to the teachers taking over now! The Government are also toying with the idea of keeping schools open over the summer holidays to allow for catch up classes, however I personally don't agree because I think teachers and pastoral leads have been working hard enough to do their job, and they now need a break as much as everyone else does. Whether it happens will remain to be seen. 

We also bid a final farewell to Sir Captain Tom Moore, who sadly passed away on 2nd February after being treated for Pneumonia and testing positive for Covid-19. This wonderful man came to the attention of us, not just the United Kingdom, but to everyone around the world, after he decided to raise money for the NHS by walking 100 lengths of his garden in the lead up to his 100th birthday. His initial goal was £1000 but in the end he raised over £32 million and touched the hearts of us all! 

On a more personal level, I have now gone back to full time work after being furloughed in June last year, getting made redundant in October but being offered a part time role. After a meeting with one of my Directors, it became apparent that there was enough work for me to do, and so I accepted and last week was my first week back! It's nice because it also means I will start getting more money from the end of this month too. It's all slowly coming back together! 

The most important thing to happen to me was on Friday, I received the first of two covid vaccinations. I was sent a text message from my doctor's surgery a week ago, and to be fair I thought it was a scam because my age range (40 - 49) are only scheduled to be done by the end of June. In fact, there are people who are older than me who are still waiting for their vaccinations, so it was a bit of a shock when I got called for mine but when I spoke to my surgery they said it was legitimate so I booked in. On Friday lunchtime at 12.30pm I was given the Astrazeneca vaccine. I will now get called up again in 12 weeks time for the second round. 

I've had a few side effects this weekend, mainly a sore arm where they injection went in, but also a few headache twinges and feeling really tired. I spent most of yesterday lying on the sofa reading my book, and it was only when I got up to cook dinner that I felt like I was coming down with the flu and all I wanted to do was get into bed. I don't actually think I've cooked and eaten dinner so quickly before. Infact, I was in bed by 7.30pm dosing up on paracetamol. Despite a bad nights sleep, it seems to have passed and all I am dealing with today is a sore arm so hopefully by tomorrow I will be ok! The nurse did say they were the typical symptoms though so I'm not worried. 

So tomorrow is quite a significant day in the shift to come out of lockdown. Fingers crossed this plan will work and we can all be back with our friends and family very soon. It's a nice thought, that's for sure!                                                                                                           

Coronavirus entry 40: Fed up!

Ok so there’s no other way to start today’s blog that to get straight to the point. 

I am FED UP! 

I’m fed up of Covid now! I’m fed of how it is affecting my friends and family; I’m fed up of feeling exhausted even though I’m exercising regularly and actually sleeping quite well at the moment. I’m fed up of having to stay indoors, I’m fed up of the eye infection that is preventing me from wearing any makeup and contributing to me looking like an ugly duckling on Zoom, and I’m fed up that I have run out of dry shampoo and paracetamol!

I was texting my Slimming World leader this morning and we got onto the conversation of the dry shampoo situation and I told her I can’t even get any on Amazon because it’s all sold out. Next thing I know, she’s sending me a link to buy some…on Amazon. Bless her heart! Why couldn’t I see that? I tell you why, it’s because I’M FED UP!

I’m fed up of the dry, flaky skin on my face too. Why have I got that? It’s not like I don’t use moisturiser – in fact I’m using that as much as I’m washing my bloody hands at the moment. And why the hell does my face look so red all the time? Even when I do put foundation on, my face still looks like a beetroot. WHY DAMMIT, WHY? 

I’m fed up of the weather. It’s been raining again today and its bloody miserable outside. I realised last night I haven’t been on a holiday since October 2018 so that’s something else that has added to my misery today! Oh look, it's actually snowing now - i seriously can't make this up!

I know I sound like a selfish madam right now and if I am offending anyone with this post, then feel free to tell me and I will apologise. I don’t want to upset or anger anyone, but if I don’t get these feelings out of me somehow, I’m worried they will fester and that’s when the anxiety will rear its ugly head, and quite frankly, I’ve put my family and friends through enough of that over the last couple of years. 

So here I am, using the skills learnt during my CBT therapy and writing a convoluted entry trying to explain how I feel in the hope that once I have finished getting it out of my system, I will be able read back and find a better way to deal with it. 

By lunchtime today I was so wound up that I decided to have another shower during my break and I did what I should have done this morning and washed my hair in the hope it would make me feel better. It was only after I had dried my hair that I started thinking it was actually doing the job and if I wasn’t being so bloody lazy this morning, maybe all of this could have been prevented. Cue the tears...honestly, I’m not even joking, I bloody well started crying didn’t I. FFS, it’s not even like I’m hormonal either!

Anyway, my working day has finished now, I've got my feelings out and I'm off to do some stretching in the hope that it will make me feel a bit more relaxed. Maybe I should remind myself how bloody lucky I am too and stop being so selfish with these “I’m fed up” statements. 

Coronavirus entry 39: A lockdown New Year!

We are now four days into 2021 and Boris Johnson this evening addressed the country to confirm that as of tomorrow, we will once again be going into a National lockdown and it is expected to last until the middle of February. 

In all honesty, his speech was somewhat disconcerting given the numbers he used to back up his decision. Scientists have confirmed the new variant of the virus is 50-70% more transmissible which means it is much more likely to catch and pass it on. Hospitals are under more pressure than when they were hit with this back in March last year, and in England alone, the number of Covid patients in hospital has increased by nearly a third in the last week to almost 27,000 which is 40% higher than the first peak in April. 

A new record of positive Covid cases was made on 29th December where more than 80,000 people tested positive across the UK. The number of deaths have also increased by 27% over the last week and it's looking to rise further.

Boris believes the only way we can get this under control while the vaccine is rolled out, is to put us back into a National lockdown. We are only allowed to leave our homes to shop for essentials, to go to work but only if there is no other option to work from home, to exercise, for medical assistance or to escape domestic abuse. Clinically and extremely vulnerable people must start to shield again too. 

Primary and secondary schools and colleges across England have to go back to remote learning but vulnerable children, and those of key workers can still attend. Although children are at less risk of catching it, they are prone to be carriers and so to reduce the risk of them bringing the virus home, it has been decided that it will be safer to keep as many children at home as possible. Free school meals will still be available to those who need them while schools are closed and more devices will be distributed to support remote learning. 

The Government also recognises it will not be fair for all exams to go ahead this summer because of all the disruption, and so the Education Secretary will work with OFQUAL (The Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation) to put alternative arrangements in place. 

There wasn't any mention of Universities though and already there has been a big outcry from students on social media about the lack of support they have received and a demand for fees to be refunded. 

The United Kingdom of Chief Medical Officers advised the Prime Minister that the country should move to alert level 5 which means if action is not taken, the NHS capacity will be overwhelmed within 21 days.

Despite this all sounding scary once more, there is something positive already coming out of this and that is the approval of the vaccines. So far, the UK has vaccinated more people than the rest of Europe combined and today we woke up to news that a second vaccine has now been approved which is going to speed up the need to get the most vulnerable protected. 

If everyone adheres to these rules, the NHS are hopeful that by the middle of February, those people who fall under the four top priority groups will all have received their injections which means restrictions can start to be lifted and we can start to go back to a tiered system and have more freedom in living again. 

The four categories include:

1) All residents in a care home for older adults and their carers
2) Everyone over the age of 70
3) All frontline health and social care workers
4) Everyone who is clinically extremely vulnerable.

Boris is quite adamant that although we have a tough few weeks ahead, this is the last phase of the struggle we have been going through. Let's just hope he's correct! 

So for now, we just have to do everything we can to look after ourselves and hope that these awful covid numbers come back down and we can find our way out of this for good! 

Coronavirus entry 38: Where are we now?

Wow, it's been nearly 8 weeks since my last post and so much has happened, so let me get up to speed. 

1) Lockdown 2.0 lasted the 4 weeks Boris promised and it ended at 00.01am on 3rd December, however the Government put us all back into a strict 3 tier system, depending on what the figures were like in each region. As a result, most of the country were in either tier 2 or 3 and Northamptonshire went into tier 2 which meant:

• You cannot mix with another household indoors
• You can meet up to six people from another household outdoors
• Overnight stays are permitted only with your household or support bubble
• Walk and cycle wherever possible and avoid travelling to Tier 3 areas
• You must work from home if you can
• Pubs must close unless operating as restaurants

2) We finally got official approval for the Covid-19 vaccine to be rolled out and on 8th December, Margaret Keenan, a UK Grandmother of 4, who was only a week off turning 91, was the first person in the world to to be given the injection. She had the first of 800,000 doses of the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine that has since been dispensed. There are two jabs to have and you are not fully immune until the second has taken place, and you need to wait for three weeks before that can take place, but yesterday (29th December), Margaret had her second vaccine and hopefully now that means she will be able to spend time with, and most importantly, hug her grandchildren again. 

3) Apart from the vaccine, I spent most of my time away from Covid news because, quite frankly, it was starting to get to me and I wanted some time away from the negativity so I invested my time on Christmas shopping, baking, watching lots of Christmas movies and doing lots of walking. It was lovely! 

4) The Government announced the tier system could be relaxed between 24th and 28th December to allow up to 3 groups of families to be together over Christmas which was great news, despite a lot of people calling for the strict measures to remain in place. However, on 23rd December, Boris made a shock announcement that this was cancelled and as of Boxing Day, the tier system was back in force, this time, with Northampton going into Tier 3. This meant everyone had to change their plans and basically stay at home, apart from Christmas Day where the original bubble was still in place. Thankfully, I had arranged to go to my mum's so we could still carry on with that. 

The tier 3 rules are:

• You can't mix indoors, in private gardens or in most outdoor venues, except with your household or bubble
• You can meet in a group of up to six in other outdoor spaces, such as parks, beaches or countryside
• Shops, gyms and personal care services (such as hairdressing) can stay open, as can swimming pools
• Bars, pubs, cafes and restaurants must stay closed, except for delivery and takeaway
• Collective worship can take place - with no mixing outside your bubble
• Small wedding ceremonies can take place, but not receptions
• Sports fans cannot attend events in stadiums
• Indoor entertainment venues - such as bowling alleys and cinemas - must stay closed
• People are advised not to travel to and from tier three areas

5) Today is now 30th December, and the tier structure was reviewed once more, and as of tomorrow, most of the UK has been put into tier 4, including Northamptonshire, which basically means nobody will be having big parties to see in the New Year, and once again, it will be quiet celebrations all round. 

Tier 4 rules are:

• Residents should stay at home, unless they have a "reasonable excuse" such as work or education
• All non-essential shops must close
• Hairdressers and nail bars must close
• Indoor entertainment venues must close
• Gyms and indoor swimming pools, indoor sports courts and dance studios must close
• You cannot meet other people indoors, unless you live with them or they are part of your support bubble
• People should not leave tier four areas or travel abroad, except for limited reasons (including work and education)
• Weddings and civil partnership ceremonies are only allowed in exceptional circumstances

BBC News reported in the week up to 25 December, government figures showed infection rates per 100,000 people rose in six of the counties seven districts (compared with the week to 18 December):

• Northampton: 366.9 (up from 291.6)
• South Northamptonshire: 354.5 (up from 291)
• Wellingborough: 267.2 (down from 281)
• Daventry: 256 (up from 180.3)
• East Northamptonshire: 220 (up from 165)
• Kettering: 213.2 (up from 165.1)
• Corby: 200.8 (up from 150.9)
• The average rate for England in the same period was 402.6.

It really hasn't come as a surprise to any of us that we have been put into this tier, and yet there are still so many people complaining about it. I understand that everyone is getting fed up of these restrictions now but if everyone listened to the rules, it could be a different story. 

I've already had an email from work to say we will continue to work from home in the New Year (we had planned to go back into the office). Schools are staggering their return and teachers are being told to test pupils with symptoms now too. 

It very much feels like we have gone one step forward and two steps back with this. When this was first reported on a year ago, none of us thought this would follow. We have seen so many moments where it seems like we are coming out of this, and the Government seems confident that my Spring we will be in a better place, but now there is a new version on the virus doing the founds, I just don't know what is going to happen. It's very clear though, this is going to be around for a long time still, and where we are usually starting to set new year's resolutions and feeling positive for a new year ahead, it feels very uncertain. 

I really hope 2021 has the positive move it needs to improving this situation we are in and hopefully we can start to live our lives in a much healthier and safer place. I don't think we have it in us to go through another year like this one, then again, we all need to make sure we are doing our bit to prevent that from happening. 

What next year will bring, I don't know, but I'm still going to go into it feeling positive and hope that we can find our way out of this crisis sooner rather than later. However you are celebrating your New Years Eve, and whoever you get to be with, stay safe and lets hope the next 12 months are going to be better than the last. 

Coronavirus entry 37: Lockdown 2.0

So here we are again; back in lockdown! Boris has got us locked up for another 4 weeks because the Virus is starting to get out of control again and so we have all been told to stay indoors for another 4 weeks in an attempt to reduce figures before Christmas. 

The good thing is this time it's only 4 weeks (fingers crossed, at least!) and we are allowed to mix with 3 other households for Christmas so at least that means families can still see each other, despite the mixed reactions of some people who think it's the wrong thing to do. 

I'm feeling quite positive about the next four weeks, and think that if we can all just stick it out then hopefully come the new year we will be in a better place. I'm going to focus less on this virus and more on my diet and fitness. I want to lose a bit more weight before Xmas and it will do me some good to focus on something other than being kept indoors for the next month.

Roll on 3rd December...

Coronavirus entry 36: Night-time anxiety

It's 1.30am on Saturday 3rd October and once again I'm finding myself wide awake in bed with all kinds of thoughts racing through my head. It's not the first time this has happened to me. No, infact this is becoming more and more common when I go to bed now to a point where I actually don't want to go to sleep through fear of this happening.

When you suffer with anxiety everything is so much bigger than it probably is and no matter how much you try and adapt the techniques you've learnt or have been taught to deal with it, sometimes it just doesn't work. 

Tonight is one of those nights.

It's safe to say this year has been awful. It's been like nothing we have ever experienced, and while I am forever grateful that my family and friends are safe and well, there is still so much going on related to covid that is just damn right scary. It's in my head. All.The.Time! Every inch of my mind is full of it and I can't seem to shake it.

Take tonight for example. I went to the pub with some friends (6 of us in total!) and it was so nice to be out socialising even if we did have to go home at 10pm! Being around people and enjoying the buzz of a pub was a good feeling and we had such a good time.

Then I came home! Now don't get me wrong, I love being at home. I love my house and my neighbours (well 99% of them!) and I love the freedom of doing my own thing. However since covid, things have changed for me and I'm starting to wonder whether I like being on my own as much as I say I do.

Initially I was working when we went into lockdown and I was so busy so my days were going quickly, albeit stressfully! My family were concerned and wanted me to move in with them but the logistics of working from home just made it easier for me to stay at my own house. I made sure I spoke to them everyday though whether it be on video or over the phone. Staying connected to my loved ones was so important more than ever.

I was then furloughed in June which I didn't actually mind because by then I was ready for a break. (Talk about silver linings!) Thankfully not long after, the covid 'bubble' was introduced and, I was finally able to go and be with some of my family. My sister asked me to join her and the day I went round to see her and my niece really was one of the best days of my life! Being able to cuddle someone for the first time since March was euphoric!

Then came the summer holidays and lockdown eased off and we were able to spend more time with our friends and family again. It felt like a lifetime of Christmases had been given to us in one go. Absolutely magical and I felt so happy.

Now schools and universities have reopened and started their new terms. Businesses are slowly getting back into their office environments, shops are open again and things were looking positive.

But now we are spiking again.

The number of people being tested positive for the Coronavirus is on the rise. There have now been 450,000 cases recorded with more than 40,000 deaths in the UK alone. On Friday, 6968 cases were recorded exceeding the first peak back in April, however more testing is available now so it's likely we will see more cases being documented.

This isn't helping my anxiety! We are already under instruction from the Government to socialise in groups of no more than 6 people. Local lockdowns around the country are becoming more common every day and pubs and restaurants are on a 10pm curfew.

I am also waiting to find out the fate of my job. The furlough scheme ends at the end of October and I still don't know if I have a job to go back to.

I've been keeping myself busy during the day but night time is my worst. Going to bed is easy but the moment I get into bed my mind wakes up and reminds me of all the things that are there! I thought a few drinks at the pub this evening would help but it really didn't!

I was talking about it with my mum on Wednesday and she said it's harder for me because I don't have anyone directly to offload on or tell me not to worry. Of course she reassured me that I must pick up the phone whenever I needed to talk, but she made a good point.

It's funny how much we take having someone next to us for granted. Whether it be a partner, family member or friend living at home, or someone at the office you can habe a quick 10 minute vent to, or check in with. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and it's making me want to have it more than I've ever wanted it. I've even gone as far as wishing I had a boyfriend just so I have someone to cuddle when I go to bed at night rather than keeping my radio on for comfort!

Don't worry, I'm not pining and I'm not desperate (I don't think, anyway) but I am more aware of having someone in my life now that I can share and go through this with. Trying to find it in the middle of a pandemic is an absolute waste of time though.

The other problem I have is my lack of routine. The bonus of furlough has meant I've been able to completely relax and unwind. I've even got into a little habit of having a more than occasional cat nap in the afternoons which isn't doing my sleep any favours. I have, however, made sure I wake up every day at 8am still (excluding weekends) to try and maintain some kind of system but that doesn't always work. It was only a few days ago I turned my alarm off and the next thing it was 11.45am! That's almost half a days work gone already.

I'm trying to be kind to myself and appreciate the time I have off still. I know I need to talk more about how I'm feeling and see more people, but maybe I need to watch less of the news too!

I'm not in a bad place, infact I feel like I've overcome some big emotional hurdles over the last few months, I just haven't quite dealt with my bedtime anxiety, and at night everything is always so much bigger isn't it?

I guess I'll just keep the radio on for the time being...

Coronavirus entry 35: It's all getting a bit vulnerable again...

It's been a week since I got home from Bath now and I have to admit, it's been a rather strange one. Boris announced last week that we are no longer to socialise with people in groups of more than six which meant we couldn't have a usual family get together to celebrate my nephew's 9th birthday. Instead we did it over three days - not that he minded much - but unfortunately he wasn't able to have a party. I think we did enough to make sure he had fun though so that's all that matters.

I've also been having some serious anxiety around my work situation. Furlough ends at the end of next month and I'm still waiting to find out where I stand with my job. I'm hoping I will be able to go back, but you just never know, and if the worst happens I'm then going to have to join the long line of people who are in the same boat. I'm trying not to worry about it, but it is having a bit of an effect on me and I am now feeling a little run down so I've decided a few sofa days at home will do the trick. 

In the meantime, the Coronavirus is starting to rear its ugly head once more and we are beginning to see a second spike hitting the country. The Covid level has moved back up from 3 - 4 which means the epidemic is in general circulation and transmission is high or rising exponentially and today the UK has recorded 4926 new cases - the highest number in four months. The UK has also recorded 37 deaths - the highest since 14th July. 

Boris has tonight addressed the country and told us that in order to stop this from getting worse we have to make changes including:

• 10pm curfew for pubs, bars and restaurants from Thursday 24 September
• Table service only in hospitality venues
• Work from home if you can
• Customers must wear face coverings in taxis, as well as staff in retail
• Staff and customers in indoor hospitality must now wear face coverings
• From Monday 28 September, only 15 people can attend a wedding service and reception - 30 people can still attend a funeral
• A maximum of six people can take part in indoor team sports
• Large sports events and conferences will not take place from 1 October, as previously planned 

A lot of people still feel like the Government are giving us mixed messages and there are feelings of uncertainty floating around, but I think for now, the best thing we can all do is just do everything we can to stay safe and well. 

Coronavirus entry 32: Greetings from Timsbury!

I've arrived safely in the wonderful Timsbury, a small village just outside of the city of Bath, to spend a week with my Dad.

So far, it's been a wonderful couple of days. We arrived yesterday lunchtime to beautiful sunshine so did a bit of pottering around the house before taking an obligatory walk to the local pub, The Seven Stars, for a few drinks! 

The pub was closed throughout lockdown and only reopened again about two weeks ago after gaining new management, so you can imagine, this is big news for the village! It's also great for us as we love a pub visit, especially when it's only round the corner, so it seems silly not to support the local business! 

We even managed to do a little braai (bbq) yesterday evening which was lovely, although we think that may we be the last of this year now, but who knows!

Today has been much of the same. A little walk around the village, drinks at the pub and chilling around the house, and I couldn't ask for more! There's something about Timsbury that completely relaxes me every time I come here, and I seem to sink into this wonderful bubble of bliss. It's such a beautiful part of the country and the views from my Dad's house are so beautiful, as you can see in the photos! It must be the tranquility of village life, but also just being with my Dad, that I love. 

I was originally going to stay for a week, but my Dad suggested staying all of next weekend too so I'm going to go back a week tomorrow instead. The sweetest thing is Dad is going to drive me home again too and stay the night at mine so I'm making it my mission to enjoy every minute with him!                                                                       

Coronavirus entry 31: Goodbye summer holidays...

I am feeling somewhat flat today. The summer holidays are officially over and schools have reopened for the new September term despite the Coronavirus still lurking. 

I remember talking to my sister at the beginning of the school holidays and saying to her that I secretly hope my furlough doesn't end anytime soon because it's been so long since I had a school term summer holiday, and I really wanted to be able to have the opportunity to enjoy it.

Well, thankfully that happened. The last 5.5 weeks have been amazing. Although we can't forget the reasons around why I am not working at the moment, and the fact we are still very much surrounded by a killer virus, I feel so unbelievably blessed to have had the time off because I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my 2 year old niece, Ella and build a really lovely bond with her. This girl has given me so much love and laughter this summer and they are memories I will always treasure. 

I have also been able to spend time with my two nephews, Thomas, 8 and Oliver, 5, who again, are the most incredible boys to ever grace this planet! Their intelligence, cheekiness, laughter and infectious happiness has warmed my heart so much. I really have been blessed with the most amazing niece and nephews and will never take that for granted. The only downside is the more time I spend with them, the more I miss them when they're not around.

Since coming out of lockdown, my family have been my priority. Not being able to see them for so long really was heartbreaking and a big struggle, and I think that's why I'm feeling the way I am today.  I have indulged in time with my family and friends and it really has been a blessing.

Now the day has come for schools, nursery's and childcare to restart and it's making me feel rather emotional. However, this evening I am going to a friends house for dinner, and tomorrow my dad arrives from Bath for the night and then I will be going back to his house with him for a week and I can't tell you how happy I am! I have seen him a couple of times over the last few months, but to be able to spend a whole week of quality time with him, will again, be priceless!

Coronavirus Entry 30: Here comes the bride...almost!

Another lovely weekend in the bag! I really have been blessed with some wonderful moments since we've come out of lockdown and I am making sure I enjoy every single minute of them. This weekend was another!

My very good friend, Chelsey, is getting married next month, but due to Covid (again!) we had to cancel her hen do which was going to be in July, however, now we are out of lockdown, and are allowed smaller get togethers, one of her bridesmaids arranged a surprise get together with some of her local friends to make up for it! 

After much organising a planning, we arranged a lovely afternoon bbq at another friends house and it went down an absolute storm. Chelsey was so overwhelmed and it was the first time we have all really had a chance to properly celebrate with her, and of course, it wouldn't be a hen celebration without the classic "Mr and Mrs" game and of course, lots of shots and one hell of a cake! 

The weather held out too, albeit a little windy but we didn't let that stop us. With drinks flowing, lots of cheesy music and a very happy bride-to-be, it was an afternoon of much laughter and happiness. The perfect set up before she says "I do".

Coronavirus entry 29: A visit to my mumma's

The last couple of days have been so nice. I went to my mums yesterday and ended up spending the night and it was so lovely. She lives about a half an hours drive from me so I usually just visit for a few hours, but given I'm furloughed, I was invited to stay over for a change so I thought why the hell not!  

She took me out to lunch to a lovely hotel called The Stanwick Hotel. It was a lovely sunny day so we sat outside and had a few drinks and shared a sandwich, and what was even nicer was a wedding was taking place too. Obviously, it was very much done under covid rules, but it was lovely to see that despite what we are going through, people are still managing to celebrate happy moments together. 

We then spent the afternoon chilling in her garden enjoying a few drinks and the sunshine before being joined by some more family which took us into the late evening. 

It was so nice to spend the time with her and enjoy a bit of relaxing too. Unfortunately, today we have woken up to wind and rain so it's not as nice, but I am home now, despite getting thrown around in my car quite a lot on the drive back, but I am relaxing on the sofa for the rest of the day, where I will no doubt end up contemplating my life choices!