A dedication to my friends and family...

There are times in my life where I wish I could make everything better for the people I care about. I know that’s impossible but sometimes I just wish I had a magic wand to put things right. Making decisions and changes can be tough, and seeing people I care about so much go through the trauma and anxiety surrounding them is at times, heart breaking.

I am fortunate enough to have a lot of happiness in my own life at present, but there is a lot sadness, upset and change going on for my close friends and family, making me realise that life is an unpredictable abundance of emotion. That’s not to say we shouldn’t treasure it though. In fact even in the darkest of times, life has an incredible way of shining through to help us deal with these feelings so that when we can see clearly, our journey can continue with focus and positivity.

What I’m really trying to say here is to those I know and love who are in that place now, remember this: my arms are always free for cuddles, my phone is always on, my door is always open and my fridge is always full of wine!

 

I love you all xxx

Eggcellent Easter!

So Easter has been and gone and if you have managed to maintain a healthy weekend I salute you. If however, you are like me and have over indulged in chocolate and hot cross buns, drank your way through an immense amount of Vodka, Jagermeister and Tequila, fought your way through a hangover and survived on very little sleep, I have ultimate respect! But that’s what bank holiday’s are for aren’t they? Or am I just making excuses again? Either way, it’s been a great weekend. Lots of time spent with my family, chilling out, live music, dancing, posing for photos (oh come on, we all do it!) and watching lots of rubbish TV.  

I would however, go as far as asking myself whether Easter actually happened because it went that quickly, only the evidence concludes it did given the empty egg boxes and chocolate wrappers bulging out of my rubbish bin this morning! The depressing thing is I’ve been on Easter countdown for weeks now purely for the mini break that comes with it, but ending up at work on Good Friday to clear the backlog (and before you ask, I volunteered) did throw me a little. That’s not to say I didn’t have a good time though, I just wish I could rewind and enjoy it all little bit more. Oh well, there’s plenty more weekends like that in store and between you and me, I can’t wait!

Risky business...

I’ve never been much of a risk taker, in fact I much prefer to play it safe than to live dangerously, but recently something in the back of my mind has been telling me I need to let go and do something crazy. I’m not really sure what that something is, but there’s a feeling in the bottom of my stomach telling to live a little bit more.

I’m not saying I have a sudden urge to jump out of an aeroplane or bungee off a cliff, but I do feel like I am ready for a new challenge, the only problem is I’m just not sure what it is. Part of me wants to pack my bags and go exploring, but I wouldn’t have a clue where to start. Besides the thought of imitating Mr Stevens driving around the country in my clapped out old KA doesn’t quite have the appeal that Ishiguro wrote about.

I always admire people who do have the guts to act on their feelings though because it shows strength and determination, something I feel I may be lacking. Take my friend, Becky, for example. A week ago she told me she was moving to Hong Kong with her boyfriend after he was offered a promotion at work. Now if that isn’t amazing, I don’t know what is! I know I’m going to miss her loads, but there’s nothing to stop me from getting on a plane and going to visit her.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling the way I do now, because I’m lacking some excitement in my life. Perhaps the long, cold winter we have had has reduced me to a serious case of cabin fever and steered me away from my happy place!

The time has come though; a change will be good…providing of course I make the right one, but I guess only time will tell if I do.

Watch this space….

Flash Fiction: The Cell

Another 99 word Flash Fiction story I have written....

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Lying on the iron bed his head pounded and his face black and blue. His stomach churned as bile invaded the back of his throat like poison. The room smelt damp and all he had for company was rotten mould seeping through the walls. His knuckles were bloody and scratched from where he tried to defend himself…the first of many, he thought.

It shouldn’t have been him, but they did it this time. Framed by his own family all because of a stupid bet that went wrong.

Day 1 was done, only another 9 years, 364 days to go….

Where has the time gone?

Logging into my blog this evening, I couldn’t believe it when I saw the last time I wrote something for you all was over a month ago. I am in absolute shock that I have managed to neglect my passion for so long. What has happened to me? Where have I been? The answer to these simple questions is this, I really don’t know and to be honest, it’s a little bit scary when I think about it.

On reflection, however, work has been extremely busy; I have been focusing on my new diet and spending some quality time with my family so perhaps it isn’t as scary as I first thought. The only downside, however, is I have stupidly missed out on opportunities to share it all with you. Don’t panic though; I have lots to write about so stay tuned because I’m back….with a vengeance!

Constant Craving

There’s nothing worse when you’re on a healthy eating plan than having to battle a craving. That awful voice in your head telling you that you want, no need, that massive bar of chocolate (and the one next to it) really isn’t what you should be dealing with. What makes it even harder is fighting that craving whilst you happen to be going through the wrong time of the month. (Sorry boys!) Not only do you have to battle with that little devil who’s trying to persuade you to cave in, but you also have to deal with PMT, which let’s face it, only goes away with your favourite treat anyway!

For two weeks now I have been on possibly the strictest diet I have ever tried. No alcohol, caffeine, sugar, processed food, cow’s milk…you name it, I’m not allowed it. I’m basically surviving on a diet of rabbit food and chicken! It doesn’t help then, for the last 48 hours all I’ve wanted to do is get to a shop and stuff my face with Diary Milk! I haven’t though, but it has been tough. Perhaps because the plan is only for 6 weeks there’s a part of me that wants to stick to a diet for a change, or maybe it’s because once I get to week three it stipulates I will be allowed a little indulgence. Right now something tells me it’s the latter!

Whatever the reason though, it’s doing something because I’ve never been known to have such willpower. I’ve taken myself by surprise, so maybe I am actually defying the odds and proving you can beat a craving after all. This could be a breakthrough for me, but I guess only time will tell!

Blue Sunday

There’s no doubt about it, Sunday night blues are the worst feeling in the world, especially the kind that creep up when you least expect it. You know straight away when it’s here because your stomach ties itself into knots and that sudden wave of nausea hits you and no matter how much you try and shake it off, it lingers there for the rest of the day ruining every last hour of your weekend.

I have that feeling today and what’s worse is I can’t even enjoy a nice cup of tea and biscuit to comfort myself because I have signed up to a six week diet with my gym and am currently undergoing an extremely strict two week detox to kick start it. Having said that the peppermint green tea I had earlier was surprisingly nice and did distract my thoughts for about half an hour but just as I was settling down to watch Dancing on Ice, low and behold, that big battle axe was back again ripping out my insides and making me feel like I could be sick at any minute.

The annoying thing is I don’t even have a reason to feel like this. Ok, so work is busy and stressful but there’s nothing I can do about that except deal with it. I’m not unhappy with my life, I have great friends and an amazing family so I should really just get over myself and stop moping about, but sometimes trying to get out of feeling this way is easier said than done.

I literally have spent all afternoon and evening feeling crappy and now I resent myself for it because I should be relishing in the weekend and enjoying myself, but all that is left for me to do now is get into bed, watch a bit of TV and hope I’m in a better mood tomorrow!