Coronavirus entry 8: Switching off

It's been ten days since I last did a coronavirus update. I have sat down at my laptop two or three times to write another update during that time, but found myself struggling to find something to write. It's not like there hasn't been anything going on, or updates to give; the struggle has come because it's just so depressing every time I hear the news or listen to the radio and I'm just tired of it all right now.

I've had to switch off from the reality of what is going on because it's draining. The UK now holds the second highest number of deaths of Covid-19 in Europe with figures confirmed at 26,097. That includes deaths in care homes, hospitals and in the community. Although the number of deaths in hospitals are declining, records of those dying in care homes are only just coming to the forefront. We are now also, the third worst-hit country in the world with Italy at 26,872 and the USA exceeding 59,000 deaths. It scares the hell out of me when I look at those figures.

We're still in lockdown for another week, but I can't see Brois lifting that before the end of May. There have been a few mentions of maybe being allowed to have small family gatherings, rumours of some shops opening up soon and even schools reopening again, however all of that is hearsay. I guess we won't know for certain until another Government announcement is made.

The plus side is Boris officially started back at work this week, after spending two weeks recovering at home, and his partner, Carrie, gave birth to their son today. So a little bit of good news amongst all of this bad!

Coronavirus entry 7: Lockdown extension

It's been three weeks since the Government ordered the country to go into lockdown and on Thursday of this week we were told to continue for another three. This takes us to 7th May, three days before my 40th and six days before my sisters birthday! 

I'm not in any anyway anticipating freedom from that day onwards, but there is a part of me still hoping something will be lifted so I can spend the day with at least one person! 

Realistically though, I'm also planning a digital lockdown party as a back up so either way, I'm still going to celebrate. It just feels weird that, on a landmark birthday, where so many people choose to hide away and not face it, I was going all out that weekend and had a big party planned with hair and makeup booked in too, but instead I will actually be hiding indoors on my own! 

Don't worry, I'm not getting down about it because I'm still going to celebrate when it's safe to do so...it's just gives me more time to ponder over what dress I'm going to wear! 

Back to the seriousness of lockdown...

In my first coronavirus entry on 22nd March, I said 281 people in the UK had died of this awful virus. It is now 27 days later and the current number of deaths in this country has reached 15,464 with a total number of confirmed cases at 114,217.

I even looked up how many local cases of the virus there are and in Northamptonshire, there have been 820 confirmed cases out of a local population of 747,622. (Confirmed cases only include those testing positive for the virus, not all will have been tested. Deaths in England only include those in hospitals, those outside England may include a small number that occured in the community.)

It's so scary and absolutely devastating that so many lives have been taken from this. Globally, the current death toll exceeds 158,000 which is something I find so difficult to take in. The worst thing is we haven't even reached the peak yet. It's thought that we are nearing it, but all that means is, those death rate numbers are set to soar. 

It won't surprise me if the Government start to put tighter restrictions in the next week or so in an attempt to help curb those numbers, but saying that, I thought the same last week too. Let's just hope people listen and stay in and keep remembering wash their hands.

Coronavirus entry 6: Easter weekend

This weekend has been a strange one. It's Easter, and under normal circumstances I would have relished in the four day weekend, but for obvious reasons, this one has been challenging. Don't get my wrong, I haven't been moping around, but this is the biggest family get together I usually have after Christmas, and with the weather being so lovely and warm, it made it very hard not being able to go and spend it with mine.

It didn't stop us from keeping in touch though. Since Thursday evening I have been on video chat with so many people and spent the majority of Saturday with friends and family - both in England and South Africa - some of whom I haven't seen for months, if not years, so it was treasured moments I am grateful for. 

As much as I tried not to let it get to me, I did have a few wobbly moments, but I just kept on reminding myself this is (hopefully) a short term thing and as soon as we get the go ahead, we will all be together again. I managed to keep myself occupied by mowing the lawn, tidying the house, washing, reading and playing "Words with friends". 

Unfortunately, the sad news is we have now exceeded 11,000 deaths in the UK which is just heartbreaking, so when I was tagged on instagram to do a challenge to raise money for the NHS this morning, it was a no brainer. The aim was to run, walk or cycle 5k, donate £5 and nominate 5 more people to do the challenge too. In the big scheme of things, it isn't a lot, and only took an hour of my time, but all small things add up to something big especially with so many people getting involved. Initially, the aim was to raise £1 million and it is already far exceeded that so the organisers have increased it to £2 million and I don't think it will be long before that target is reached either.

Boris Johnson is also out of hospital now. Thankfully. Although he is still resting at home, he addressed the country on Saturday night and thanked everyone in the NHS for the remarkable job they did. Whatever anyone's political viewpoint is with the Government's attitude toward the NHS, there is no doubt about it, everything will change going forward.

Back to work tomorrow (in the kitchen, not the office!) so no doubt a busy day ahead. Feeling anxious about it again, but I know I'll be fine once I get into it. I hate that I feel like this so trying not to let it get to me. Maybe it's the lack of sleep I'll no doubt have that I am more anxious about. Yet again, I am still sleeping terribly, but I've decided not to stress about it. Hopefully it will settle down, but in the meantime, I can only deal with it in the moment. 

Coronavirus entry 5: It's been emotional!

This afternoon I ventured outdoors to go and pick up an order I placed with the butchers for myself and a couple of family members. It was a pay on delivery from a local pub car park and was all very well orchestrated. Lots of space around us with 2 meter markings on the floor to queue, payment by card, only dealt with one person and he even carried the orders to my car for me!

I then made two drop offs. The first was to my brother and sister-in-law where I had a very brief chat and check-in with them both and my two nephews, Thomas and Oliver who are 8 and 5 years old. Whilst keeping our distance we all agreed not being able to spend time with family was proving to be really difficult, especially as Easter weekend is approaching and we always spend it together. 

The second stop was to my sister, where again, I planned to drop off, check in and go home. However when she opened the front door, I was greeted with the biggest social distancing hello and the sweetest exclamation of "Aunty Tanya" from my 2 year old niece, Ella, that I burst out crying! I hadn't anticipated it to be emotional and I wasn't prepared for my tears so when I got home I had a big cry and poured myself a large vodka and diet coke! 

On the flip side, my cousin featured on The One Show this evening. She was part of a pre-recorded medics ceremony after graduating from The University of Nottingham having spent the last five years studying to be a doctor. She is now part of the new intake of junior doctors about to embark on their journey into the NHS. Now more than ever, she will be entering a field that is going to be faced so many challenges, and I couldn't be more proud of her. She is doing such a remarkable thing.

I have since spent time this evening catching up on correspondence, seeing my nephews again, only this time on video chat where we played a few games of bingo, and making plans for what I can do around the house over the bank holiday weekend!

I am emotionally exhausted and an early night is a must. I just hope I can actually get to sleep tonight!

Coronavirus entry 4: Week 3 of lockdown

We are now into week 3 of isolation and I have to admit, I am finding it hard not being able to see anyone. As lovely as it is to chat to my friends and family on the phone and video, not being able to give them a cuddle is really tough. This is definitely highlighting just how important human contact is. It's also very quickly reinforcing that being single and in isolation is not nice...but that's for another day. I'm not about to go all Bridget Jones on you!

I still keep going through the motions of why we are doing this, but everytime I watch the news or listen to the radio, it painfully reminds me of the importance of staying inside. As of 19:46 UK time, Sky News have reported another 784 people in this country have died, bringing the total number of UK deaths to 6,159.

At the same time, Boris Johnson is currently lying in intensive care trying to recover from this horrendous virus. He announced 11 days ago (Friday 27th March) he was self isolating due to having come down with symptoms but was admitted to hospital last Sunday (5th April) and was moved to ICU yesterday. Thankfully, although he is getting oxygen support, he is breathing without assistance so the whole country is willing him on to get better. 

What baffles me most about all of this is there are still people not listening to what we are being told to do. I just don't understand it. Why put yourself and your family at risk? It just doesn't make any sense to me at all. 

We are due another Government update this week about what will happen going forward. We were initially told to lock down for 3 weeks and as that is almost over, we are all waiting for the next step. Going by what is happening around the world, it's unlikely we will come out of isolation, but I do wonder whether stricter measures will be put into place, such as taking away our daily outdoor exercise, or limiting the number of times we can go shopping. I guess only time will tell.

Coronavirus entry 3: Feeling guilty

Ever since lockdown was announced, things have gone to a new level. Everyone is still, quite rightly, feeling raw about the impact of this virus, but oddly enough, there are still people not listening to the advice. 

Although we are allowed to leave our homes for exercise and to buy essentials, we have repeatedly been told, the best way to deal with this pandemic, is to treat it as though we all have the Covid-19 virus.

All over social media, on the TV and on radio are messages about staying indoors, and by doing so, we are ultimately saving the NHS by reducing the number of people being admitted to hospital. There are constant posts and news articles about parents who are saying goodbye to their children for the foreseeable future so they can go and work on the front line and be the amazing heroes they are. 

Then there are posts about people needing to show more appreciation for those not on the front line, but are still considered key workers, such as people in our postal service, bus and taxi drivers, teachers who are still going into school, delivery drivers and anyone else who cannot work from home in order to do their job. 

Now, my problem is I am starting to feel guilty for things that are natural to me, such as wanting to see my family and give them a cuddle, or not wanting to be in a house on my own 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Even knowing I have enough food and supplies to keep me going whilst there are people appealing for help and support because they don't have enough is sending my mind into turmoil. Only a couple of hours ago I watched a video of an American women trying to find nappies for her child and was in tears. It was heartbreaking. 

I keep reminding myself of the reasons why we are doing this and how it is all for the greater good, but everytime I start to miss my family, or wish I could see someone, I am hit with an incredible feeling of guilt because here I am, in the walls of my lovely home, warm, fed and safe when there are others battling to save lives and families losing loved ones to this horrendous virus. 

Yesterday was the first day I left my house since Monday lunchtime so I could get to the supermarket and even then I felt like I was doing something wrong. I found myself in a dilemma about what would be the best time to go, not wanting to interfere with the times set out for key workers and the elderly and not wanting to see too many people. I even found myself asking my mum if I was being selfish for considering buying a hoover and paper shredder off the internet because they aren't classed as an essential items! 

I have barely slept all weekend and have been getting angry at myself for moaning about it because all around me are people working their damn hardest to protect me. 

It's a vicious cycle of emotion that I have been going through and as someone who has recently been through CBT therapy, I understand too well the implications of overthinking and over analysing. However it has dawned on me, the guilt I am feeling is only natural, and I'm not trying to take anything away by opening up about it, but I do think it's important to acknowledge. We are not born to be put into isolation; this is alien to us all, so I realise I need to stop being so hard on myself. It's ok to feel like this. It's all part of the process of adjusting to the situation.

Maybe after a good night's sleep, some morning exercise and a good breakfast, I will have regained my composure, but in the meantime, a cup of tea and some week-ahead planning will suffice. 

Coronavirus entry 2: Showing appreciation

You'll have to excuse this post if it's a bit rambly, but I'm feeling rather emotional right now. This evening a nationwide acknowledgment took place where people were invited to stand in their gardens, on their front porch or simply in their home and in unity, clap their hands as a sign of showing support to all of the care workers currently working all hours of the day to help deal with the Coronavirus pandemic.

Since my last post four days ago, the whole of the United Kingdom have gone into lockdown for a minimum of 3 weeks, and everyone, apart from those identified as key workers have to stay in their own homes in an attempt to reduce the number of people who are being diagnosed with, and dying from, this disease. 

Key workers are those in Health and Social Care, Education and Childcare, Public Services, Government, Food Services, Public Safety and National Security, Transport, Utilities, Communication and Financial Service.

I, along with so many other people, are having to adjust to working from home and staying inside away from friends and family, whilst there are still so many people out there putting their lives at risk to help others. Whilst it's been a strange few days getting used to the idea of literally being on my own for the next few weeks, the support people are showing one another is phenomenal. 

Facebook support groups have been set up, organisations are offering free access to their exercise and mental health apps, the use of video messaging and live chat has soared, but most of all, people are just being a lot more kinder to one another and appreciative of those who can help during this time. Yes, the demand for food supplies are still great, but everyone is pulling together to try and do what they can.

The only exceptions we have for leaving our homes are to go to the shops to buy essential items, to pick up prescriptions, and for exercise, such as going for a walk, run or bike ride. With all of these, staying a strict distance of 2 metres from other people must be enforced. Going out to see friends or family, or attending social events have been forbidden.

So while this pandemic is still erupting around us, and whilst households are dealing with a new kind of chaos, somewhere in the middle, an idea was put together to show our appreciation for those who have given up their time to make sure we are looked after. At 8pm this evening, people stood outside and clapped. And what an incredible thing it was. I stood in my garden clapping and all around me I could hear others doing the same, as well as banging pots and pans together, cheering, whistling and screaming. Someone was even beeping their car horn and I could hear the odd firework going off too. 

What we are dealing with right now is something we only ever thought would happen in movies, and whilst the nation has been in mass panic, what happened this evening is a reminder of the love and support we all have for people in this situation. Tonight we joined together in solidarity and it was wonderfully emotional and I really hope we can continue to show support like this and work together to do our bit to bring an end to this situation.